Friday, December 29, 2006

Travelin' Jack

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I'll be travelin' a wee bit to get to one cute ass dork!
But seeing his face when he gets that.....!
Save me a seat Amtrak.

Thursday, December 28, 2006


This clip is from the movie, Run Lola Run. This song is how I start my work out on that bastard cross trainer. When I'm on that cross trainer. I am Lola. I am running. I wish I was a hunter.

The begining part to this song is in German. In English it translates to:

Lola (asks Mani)

What would you do if I died?

I wouldn't let you die.

Being specific

Reading a book about creative visualization I decided to invent some of my own. He does write in his book to keep your visualizations private. Your loved ones may mock you or fear that you'll leave them behind. Ok. So I created some. And they keep getting more detailed. When I go for walks, I get in these visualizations. I sit in the rooms I created and admire things I've made. I keep seeing a small cottage in the woods. It has pine trees around, and possibly by a brook or stream (damn you Thomas Kinkade, you painter of light!) I posted a blog in October that had this cute cottage pictured. I keep seeing either the light above at the front entrance or something like this second one. It shifts. I do see a specific date and I'm outside this house or something close. I'm so overwhelmed I can't stop crying with happiness. The door opens and someone comes out to see why I won't come in and why I'm crying. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Bed of love

Bed of love
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

I'm in a hospital. Hooked to a host of beeping machines. I have IV tubes snaking all over me. I'm barely a person lost in all this machinery. The doctor comes in looking grave. He resembles a gruff friend of mine and he says, "Drower, either you fight this or it wins, it's your choice." I lay back on the pillow with barely any strength and wish it would all end. It could end with me surviving, getting stronger. Or I could just float away and never look back. Float away and never look back.

Just playing the record

"On New Year's Eve, 1977, we were invited to meet with Grace Jones at Studio 5 but she didn't leave our name at the door and the doorman wouldn't let us in. Studio 54 was that kind of place. Our music might be playing inside, but the place was packed for New Year's Eve and this was early in our career. Anyway, my apartment happened to be one block away, so Bernard and I went there to sort of quell our sorrows. We grabbed a couple of bottles of champagne from the corner liquor store and then went back to my place, plugged in our instruments and started jamming."

"And since we were feeling bad, we played music to make us feel good. We started jamming on the now-famous riff — It was just something that happened.So I incorporated a little linear lick and we started singing, 'f**k off!' [Repeats the lick.] 'Aaaaahh, fuck off!'

"So 'Fuck Off' was a protest song, and we actually thought it was pretty good — 'Aaaaahh, f**k off!' It had a vibe. I was thinking 'This could be the anthem of everybody who gets cut off on the street by a cab driver or any kids who want to say this to their parents.' You know, 'Hey, I wasn't saying it, man! I was just playing the record.'"

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

A quiz to figure out your Dork Quotient...

A dork is:
1. Slang A stupid, inept, or foolish person
2. Vulgar Slang - The penis.

What is your dork quotient...

1. Are you slow at getting jokes?
a) Nah, I usually get 'em right away.
b) Most of the time. No one will explain them to me anymore.
c) Actually, I don't think most jokes are very funny.

2. When you do get them, do you laugh strangely?
a) No.
b) Yeah.
c) I don't laugh.

3. Have you ever tripped over a smooth sidewalk?
a) Once or twice.
b) If I'm not paying attention.
c) No. I never look up from the sidewalk.

4. ...While you were making eye contact with someone attractive?
a) No, I try not to be a dumbass.
b) Rather often, actually.
c) Eye contact?

5. What do your friends think of you?
a) That I'm a pretty cool person.
b) That I'm weird, but in a good way.
c) Friends?

6. Does your clothing match right now?
a) Of course.
b) Kind of.
c) My computer doesn't care, so why should I?

7. Do you go out on Friday and Saturday nights?
a) Almost always.
b) Sometimes.
c) No, the library closes at 5.

8. Can you do dialogue along with the Holy Grail?
a) The what?
b) Can and do.
c) I don't watch movies.

9. Who do you most closely identify with?
a) Kermit.
b) Gonzo.
c) Scooter.

10. How do you react if someone refers to you as 'strange'?
a) I'm a little insulted.
b) I take it as a compliment.
c) I ignore them and resume work.

11. Do you have a web page?
a) No.
b) Yes.
c) No, I have real work to do.

12. How do you react when you meet somebody's kids?
a) I pat them on the head and say hi.
b) We'll usually engage in an ugly-face contest.
c) I avoid children.

Mostly A's
Mostly B's
Mostly C's

Saturday, December 23, 2006


Debora and Duchess of York
Here's me and the Duchess of York. My mom thinks we look like sisters. She's certain she could prove we actually are related. It's a stretch. By that same stretch, I could related to the other Fergie. She's Fergalicious and then by association so am I.

Knotty pinings

My grandma had a knotty pine basement like this. It's so expensive to try to recreate. I priced it out. I'd need the wood slide and Grandpa's billards table. And that odd heater that had flames. And the scary room with the boiler and washer (with a window) and dryer. Somewhere there are pictures of that place on Virginia.
You can visit the site where this photo is from and see their extensive collection of retro ad stuff. As good as a real knotty pine basement.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Somewhere Out There..

Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.

I found this video and even though the opening credits go on - it's really sweet. It's dedicated to you, the man of my dreams. Wherever you may be.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Swiss Colony memories

Originally uploaded by mirthblaster36.

As a fat kid, the Swiss Colony catalog was crack for me. Oh god. All the gorgeous shots of the food. The best part, the hiding in the bathroom with the faucets going, was the candy part. Honest to god. I would get so fucking hot looking at the candy. Or did it all just boil down to the that Disneyesque logo. Either way, I totally get you Cartman, when you sing about the Swiss Colony Beef Log. (Scroll down and it's Windows Media Player only - sorry Mac users)

I have even driven past it in Monroe, Wis. Rock on Swiss Colony.

Mother tries to comfort me;
She says "Here, Son, have some eggnog."
I fucking hate eggnog, seriously.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Littlest Snowman

The Littlest Snowman
Originally uploaded by Neato Coolville.

I wish we had used this image at Big Bell Ice Cream for our holiday greeting card. It's too late. This so freakin' rocks.

Tear down the messs

I was at the Walker Art Center a few weeks ago to see the British Advertising Awards. We had a few minutes to spare so we were walking around. There's this "Heart of Darkness" exhibit that was hideous. It's crap strewn around and odd stains on furniture. It was so off-putting, we quickly left. A yucky mess.

Rich chocolate mess
Originally uploaded by rcvernors.

My favorite way to describe something is to call it a rich chocolately mess. It sounds tasty. Cute kid.

Tear down
Originally uploaded by gen gibson.

Talking to Gigi today, I was describing a friend. I first said he was a mess (henceforth the images of various messes) but I retracted that and said he was worse than that, he was a complete tear-down. I just made it up on the spot. Yup, a complete and total tear down.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Ain't No Other Man

I shouldn't admit it to you

Even though you don't know

Or won't tell

There ain't no other man

It's true

Ain't no other man

But you


bitch pin
Originally uploaded by crazycatladymel.


I play my cards close to my chest
Try to guess the hand I hold
And never will you see me cry
Or come close
to losing my shit

I'll be the queen
of my growing stable.
And kill you with kindness
You'll never see it coming

Is it me
or you.


Saturday, December 16, 2006

7 of 9

George Petty, calendar pin-up, 1947
Originally uploaded by Gatochy.

Mmmm hmm, yeah, really. That sounds great - really, they did that -funny! Wow! Anyhing else? Aww that's sweet.

Me, shopping for lingerie, doing my nails, eating bon bons. Don't my legs look great. Cute shoes.

Oh, oops, call waiting. Gotta go.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Not An Addict - that's a lie

Breathe it in and breathe it out
And pass it on, it's almost out
We're so creative, so much more
We're high above but on the floor

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side

The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain
I'm in heaven, I'm a god
I'm everywhere, I feel so hot

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
(Nothing means a thing to me)

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

Free me, leave me
Watch me as I'm going down
Free me, see me
Look at me, I'm falling and I'm falling.

An addict, me? Oh god or am I? I think I'm in Lithium and Naltrexone withdrawl but I hate how I feel on that shit. What to do Roxanna? Do I let the pink elephants trample through my head or smush them down with another dose??

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Hysterically Blind Casino Royale

Over the weekend, Mr Ken,was telling me he had found some old funny letters of mine. I had to laugh. I can't believe he saved that shit. Man! I guess I have some old photos of Ken that I just stuffed on to flickr. We go out to dinner at a crazy Thai place - Ruam Mit Thai in St Paul. There were more people standing in the doorway then sitting down. It was a madhouse. But it was worth it. Ken asks if I want to accompany him to a poker game with his band friends. Earlier, I had seen the movie, "Casino Royale," and the beautiful woman pictured above is there to distract the other players. I asked Ken if I should wear a strappy dress - like the girl in the movie. He didn't understand. So I stayed in my flannel shirt and hiking boots. His band friends are fun and while I didn't play I seemed to be good luck for old Ken. All I was doing was joking around and being funny. I don't get poker. Not one bit.

At my therapist today, I told him I get nervous around people in social settings. I worry I'll offend them. And I've said some really dumb stuff. I joked with a lady who worked with alcoholics that she should have a glass of scotch. She laughed but I got reprimanded later for that comment. How the hell would I know she worked with alcoholics? Although a nurse I know got in a car accident - she comes roaring out of the car yelling at the other driver, "What the fuck is wrong with you - are you retarded??" And sadly the guy WAS retarded. Oh oops! At some point with my therapist I asked if I could say it was due to some disease or some excuse like that. And my therapist said I could claim hysterical blindness. It's not in the DSM-III-R for those in the know. It would be classified as a conversion disorder. I told my therapist I would get a medic alert bracelet that said I had hysterical blindness. He laughed. Now I really gotta go get one.

If I claim hysterical blindness at the next poker game,I wouldn't notice the other players staring at my strappy low cut dress. Or would they be staring at my medic alert bracelet. It would be a whole 'nother therapy session.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Wicked Game

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I knew somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you no,

No, I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Never There

I need your arms around me, I need to feel your touch
I need your understanding, I need your love so much
You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby, you're never there

On the phone long, long distance
Always through such strong resistance
First you say you're too busy
I wonder if you even miss me

Never there
You're never there
You're never, ever, ever, ever there

Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge

Originally uploaded by D. S. Hałas.

At my one of my therapist's office, I asked him if I was obsessed with James. He said, "I dont' think you're obsessed but you're very fond of him." And I am. He went on to tell me that he had a female client that was obsessed with him. He'd look out his window and see her sitting on the grass across from the office building. She'd be there for hours. He guessed it gave her comfort just to be near his office. And he is a really nice peaceful guy.

At his office a few weeks ago, I looked out the window (the lady wasn't there) and I saw the vistor center for the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge. It's right down the street from his office. He was pointing to it and talking about the trails that follow the river. I asked him if they connected to the trails by the old Cedar Ave bridge. The same trails. I just hadn't been on the trails by the vistor's center. I vowed to park at that center and walk on the trails. Today was a gorgeous 50˚ sunny day. And I parked there, right by my therapist's office and walked on the trails. I almost sat on the grass and looked up to his office. Just for fun. But I'm not obsessed. Well, not with the therapist.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Walker Sculpture Garden

I have to credit this person's nice photo of the Cowles Conservatory. I had to go and smell the gorgeous humid dirt smell. Usually I go the night I go to the British Advertising Awards but they close alot earlier (those bastards!) So I parked near and walked through the conservatory on my way to get my weekly allergy shot. It was heavenly. Then I wandered around the sculpture garden. It's a treasure trove of memories. I was there with my MCAD film class and we were shooting the newly installed sculpture garden.

My sister and I did a silly film that involved the Spoon Bridge and Cherry. Again, not my photo. I have walked through the garden winter and summer. One hot summer night, I was there on a sculpture that is like a big swing. My date and I sat on it and talked and laughed and swang and swung. Life seemed pretty perfect at that point.
I walked across the bridge to Loring Park. I've helped with ice cream trucks and carts and have even sold my art there last summer. I was a featured artist! I don't know if it helped. It was nice. It was warm (30˚) only in Minnesota is 30˚ warm. Nicollet Mall was festive and lit up and the sounds of street muscians and Salvation Army Bell ringers filled the air. I'll try to get into to see Mary Poppins at the now Macy's. The line was too long.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


I have looked all over the place
But you have got my favorite face
Your eyelashes sparkle like gilded grass
And your lips are sweet and slippery like a cherub's bare wet ass

'Cause you're a human supernova
A solar superman
You're an angel with wings afire
A flying, giant friction blast

You walk in clouds of glitter and the sun reflects your eyes
And everytime the wind blows, I can smell you in the sky
Your kisses are as wicked as an F-16
And you fuck like a volcano, and you're everything to me

'Cause you're a human supernova
A solar superman
You're an angel with wings afire
A flying, giant friction blast
You're a giant, flying friction blast

'Cause you're a human supernova
A solar superman
You're an angel with wings afire
A flying, giant friction blast

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Missing you

I was at the gym today for the first time in months. Since spring. The last time I was there - James was with me. I think I remember watching him in the mirror. He was running on a treadmill, I was on a cross trainer. I caught his eye and waved. I knew it would be the last time I'd see his reflection in the mirror at the gym. I've been putting off going to the gym. James was my motivation for getting me there. And then we'd go to work together after our workout. My job has changed and they don't want my help. And James is gone. I went to the gym with alot of trepidation. And when I was on the treadmill, I looked for his reflection in the mirror. Hoping maybe it had stayed, or by some miracle he'd be there. He wasn't. I choked down my tears and kept going.

In the book, "The Right Words at the Right Time," a woman writes about her husband saying, "I do know that things aren't right when we're not together, and I don't ever not want to be together with you."

I keep hoping I'll stop missing him. Stop thinking about him. You'd think after these seven months, I'd be missing him less. But it's true - things aren't right when we're not together.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Holiday Inn Star and a '64 Chrysler

From the movie, "Hunt for Red October"

Then I will live in Montana,
and I will marry
a round American woman
and raise rabbits,
and she will cook them for me,
and I will have a pickup truck...

or a...
possibly even
a recreational vehicle
and drive from state to state.

Do they let you do that?

In the book, "Sybil," a woman who had multiple personalities and was severely abused by her own mother, would pretend that she had a mother in Montana. She had never been there but had a rich fantasy that this "The Montana mother" was everything her own mother wasn't. The Montana mother was kind, affectionate and warm. She goes on at great length the differences between her fantasy and her real mother.

I've been thinking that I 'd like something like a Montana life. Where I am a sucessful, healthy artist and I live in a clean organized house. Not necessarily in Montana. I like the idea of the Montana mother or a fantasy Montana life. Kinda like Captain in Hunt for Red October and his fantasy about Montana. I just have to get there before I get shot down.

The picture above is of an old car with Montana plates.

I would like
to have seen Montana.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Knight in shining armor

I was at a party with some married friends of mine. Most of the party I was feeling comfortable, having a good time. The host of the party was explaining why he carried a handgun in his truck. He lives on a farm and it's for things like possums in the barn - not because the possums might carjack him. He also went on to say it was to defend his wife and family. He was talking about how he'd kill someone if they tried to hurt anyone in his family. And while it sounded sort of archaic and macho, I've never had one say they'd protect me like that. That they'd be willing to kill someone if they were harming me. After that I leave the room and some guy starts joking around asking who's married, who is a couple. I have no one. I don't realize that I've turned on my cell phone just a few minutes too late. I suddenly start feeling lonely.

On the ride home, the husband made similar comments about protecting his wife. Albeit a bit more angry but the same intent. He'd never let anyone hurt his wife. And he went on to say he hates when he sees friends get picked on. How he has had to protect his friends. And how he hates bullys. After hearing these stories of men protecting their families, how they'd come to their rescue, I got in the car and cried and screamed. I have no one, and I've never had anyone want to defend my honor in such a big way. They all just fucking walk away and let the dragons win.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Anger, what?

Actually the place above is Angkor Wat; regarded as the supreme masterpiece of Khmer architecture, it is a huge pyramid temple built by Suryavarman II between 1113 and 1150.

I like to pronounce anger as angor and then it's fun to add the wat part.

Today I was walking to my allergist. I kept getting angrier and angrier. It was weird. I had no idea where it was coming from. The ladies at the allergist office cracked me up with a story of a stuffed dog. I left after my shot and I was fuming even more. Then crying as I walked up Nicollet. Good thing I didn't go to Dayton's. (Not Macy's) for the display. I go home eat a spicy bowl of curry and go to my teacher, Carol Lowell, for a healing session. I lay down in her office and just floated. I could feel how hot her hands were. And this sense great of peace came over me. Afterwards, she told me I let go of alot of anger and sadness. I told her about marching around Minneapolis just pissed at the world. She wasn't surprised. It's common to start releasing stuff before a healing. Oh, that makes total sense!

I left the Center and went to the grocery store. I felt like when you have a tooth removed and you keep poking at the empty space in your mouth. There's this big hole where all this anger used to be. It still feels odd to both feel peaceful and have so much anger gone. The picture above of the Angkor looks holy and peaceful. Peaceful Angkor. Ha ha.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Egg and Toast

When I was little, a treat my mom would make would be fried eggs on toast. She'd usually make this if she and my father were going out to dinner. So I have bittersweet memories of egg and toast. I'd get the yummy runny eggs and crisp toast but this came with the fact that my parents were going out for the evening. My mom would scurry around the kitchen in her out to dinner clothes and smelling of perfume. I was out walking today in the 15º sunny cold. I was walking by the aptly named Hidden Falls. I found this gorgeous path by the river. Walking back to my car I was thinking what I wanted for lunch. Egg and toast. A sunny meal to celebrate a sunny day.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


I had a past life regression tonight. I was married to a gladiator. I think we lived in Europe. My husband then is my current ex. Even though my then family was against me marrying him, I was so in love with him I thought it would all work out fine. We had a sweet life for a while and a little home but he was killed in battle. I was brought to a temple to see his body laid out on an altar. My little girl needed me but I was too distraught. I ran away to a cliff that overlooked our estate and I threw myself off the cliff knowing I could never love anyone else ever again.

Gashlycrumb Tinies

Back in college, I worked at a place called Jeron Camera (now Wolf Camera). My boss, Marv, was a hoot. He had all sorts of weird things in his office. He had samples of fake hair that he'd bring out. He liked that none of us overlapped in hair color. Silly, crazy. He'd ask you if you'd seen the picture of his kid and then he'd point to the picture of K is for Kate on his wall. I loved it. Since he only had that one picture - I had no idea where it came from. Discovering the whole alphabet poster in some mall poster store I bought it in Marv's honor. But during a move it got horribly torn and I threw it away. I don't know what made me look for it today. Maybe because of the ennui (my personal favorite) Or see the whole alphabet!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Going round in circles

I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends
I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

I've got a lil' story ain't got no moral
Let the bad guy win every once in a while
I've got a lil' story ain't got no moral
Let the bad guy win every once in a while

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

I've got a lil' dance ain't got no steps
I'm gonna let the music move me around
I've got a dance I ain't got no steps
I'm gonna let the music move me around

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends
I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

Going to the Dark Side

I had this dark sad post planned about wanting to go to the dark side. You know the constant, "I saw something nasty in the woodshed." I'll never be happy, it's no use fighting the dark side. I should resign myself that I'm doomed to be both my mom and Aunt Bea, (a fat little tub) I was trolling around Youtube and found a Darth Vader video clip that's more funny than dark.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


Merry Go Round This weekend has my mind spinning. From things said, things not said. One thing stands out - a speech made by a best man to his brother. Talking about the groom needing the bride and the bride needing the groom. I recall a conversation with this best man,
"I need you." I said to him. And he replied, "Why, and why me?" I asked if he ever needed anyone and he coldly replied, "No, I don't need anyone."
So I wonder how this best man could understand about people needing each other when he doesn't have any needs. And needs no one. Needs no one. Is this what I need in my life? Someone who makes my head spin, keeps me confused. And stupid me - I keep letting him.

Friday, November 24, 2006


I have dream of Thanksgiving being just like this Norman Rockwell picture. Honest to god. The lighting, the white WASPy faces, a girl in pigtails, a grandma bringing out the gorgeous turkey. Even though it's my mom bringing out a Howard Kaufman turkey, and none of the dishes match, and there'll be something new like greek dolmas or even bagels and lox (really - but it was good) Thanksgiving is different to everyone. And my family is weird and laughs too loud. And the kids run around spilling the 11 bottles of wine. And there's couscous and Czech liquor and big chocolate turkeys. But it's home as weird and silly and so not like Norman Rockwell picture one bit. And it never will be. But that's ok.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Turkey Day Marathon

I miss the old days of watching the MST3K Turkey Day marathon and making the food at the same time. One MST3K Turkey Marathon long ago Crow said something like, "Turkey Fact #12: Turkeys are filled with enough L-Tryptophan to knock you on your sorry Thanksgiving Day ass." I'll be driving on Thanksgiving with the food in my back seat. Happy Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Wee Bit of Scotch

My dear friend, Dave, was about to go off to basic training, then become a JAG. He's no spring chicken and I've been a bit scared and worried. I have to - I'm jewish. He calls tonight and I'm shocked to see his name on my caller ID. He tells me at the very last minute there was some snafu about meds he took once, but not taking now but still on his record. What a pisser! He may be able to go in January. He was calling me from an outdoor cafe somewhere in San Francisco having a latte and a cigar.

I told him of my busy day and some communication issues I had. My intuition was all off. I went to get an oil change and there were tons of cars waiting. Fuck. I was using logic, not intuition. At 1 pm there shouldn'tve been any cars but for some fucking reason the stupid Saturn was packed. And it's been going like that all day. If I'd listened to my intuition I wouldn't wasted so much time.

I promised Dave I'd have some Scotch in his honor. And in a bit I will to end this crazy day. If I had some 25 year old Macallan - I'd drink it. I'll have to make do with some cheaper stuff. I hope both of our days are better ones.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Carving a pumpkin

Pumpkin carving lady Oh yeah, I'd wear this get up to carve a pumpkin. I'm sure I'd keep my little apron all nice and neat. No cold goey pumpkin glurp on my naked flesh. Or down my push up bra. No sirree bob! Oh and heels too. Nice try. Ha ha ha.

Camp Coldwater

I've seen pictures of this place in the paper. This is an old picture.
Thanks MNHS!
From MPR, "The spring that feeds Coldwater Creek spills into a stone-walled reservoir built well over a century ago. The creek flows into the Mississippi River near where it meets the Minnesota River. Many people point to the spring as the cradle of modern Minnesota's existence. As the clearest and fastest flowing water source in the area, it was an amenity for the U.S. Army soldiers who built nearby Fort Snelling in the 1820s."
But it's on Government property. And you can be shot if you try to get on the land. Or something similar. I was wandering around on Saturday on path that runs parallel to the bike path. I could see a historic marker probably near the spring from this high vantage point. And a security guard in a car with a cheesey security logo. It was good recon to see where he parked. On Sunday, I went back but I took the path that runs through the state park. It's shady and foresty and really pretty. I tried to remember where the spring was - it's hard to see the buildings from the state park path. Then I find a big hole in the fence and a government warning sign. Ok ok they'll shot me or make me listen to Rush Limbaugh. I creep up the hill - like some old NBC or CBS mystery movie. Just like Crow and Tom. I creep up the hill, and I don't see Mr Security and there it is! The spring and the old building looking a bit more worn.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Baby Got Back

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
If you wanna role in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Oh my god, they killed Kenny

About a million years ago, (or 17 is it 17, oh shit) I was on a film shoot. I had done one commercial for this company and they hinted if I did this free one - other jobs could follow. And I needed the experience. It was a piece for an advertising awards show. A ten day shoot. I was one of the only people who was there for the whole thing. One day, we were shooting at the old Stillwater prison. It had these crusty jail cells and it was nice and creepy. There was this guy doing the sound, Ken. For some reason I made a joke about needing some Maalox Whip and he turned around, laughed and was the only person there who knew what it was. (Maalox in an aerosol can that was like dessert topping.) From that day on, we knew we shared an odd sense of humor. And when people ask us where we met, I always gleeful respond, "In prison!!!"

Dead Ken 3 One fall day, I had this thought of taking a picture of Ken in his classic Bonneville. The red blood and green car. And he went along with it. So I dug out the photos from that old shoot and I'll give him the printouts tonite at his birthday party. We met in prison and I killed him. That's what friends are for. Happy Birthday Ken.

Dead Ken 4

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Song Mac Arthur Park

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

The first time I heard this I was not paying attention until that line about a cake out in the rain. That couldn't be it. And it is. Cakes left out in the rain. Man what were we joking about that made me sing this song?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I have lots of Chuckwagon-y stuff in my life. Long long ago there was a commercial for Chuck Wagon dog food. The little chuck wagon would disappear into the cabinet. The little cowboys on the chuckwagon were shouting something like,"Ya ya chuckwagon, chuckwagon." If I see something named or that looks like a chuckwagon. Umm let's just say it's best to just stay away from me until I can get it out of my head. Ya ya chuck wagon.

There's a photo on flickr of a great Chuckwagon restaurant. That's what got me on this track.

Last week, I was in the Chicago area. I picked up my sister at O'hare and asked her if she was hungry. I was hoping she'd want to go to her old haunt The Wilmette Chuckwagon. And long ago me and the man of my dreams went to yet another Chuckwagon restaurant out in Brooklyn Center, MN that he remembered from his childhood. It's not a tiny hamburger joint like the Wilmette, but the wagon wheel decor rocked. I know, they're all over I have a picture of one in New Mexico. Again Ya ya chuck wagon.

Drive me wild

Floyd Wild Truck

Two silly things about driving and wild. With a Floyd

Monday, November 13, 2006

Matches, little girl and a phone

Like the little match girl
I close my eyes
and for a second
you're here
right there
in the room
with me
and I can
feel you
you're real

but the call
like the match
and again
I'm cold
and lonely


Sunday, November 12, 2006

Time Traveling

I’m reading the book, The Time Traveler's Wife. Henry is the time traveler who first meets his future wife, Clare, when she’s 6. He gets unavoidably whisked around in time. He disappears from a scene in, say, 1998 to find himself suddenly, usually without his clothes, which mysteriously disappear in transit, at an entirely different place 10 years earlier-or later. Clare never knows if he’ll disappear or if he’ll reappear 10 years older. They met when he was 36 so when she meets him at age 28 – he doesn’t know her. It’s crazy and it messes up my head. But it’s sweet. At one point, she’s asked if she misses him. She says, “Every day, every minute.” It makes me ache to think of loving someone who could disappear into thin air.

I was at some friend’s house last night. They were just being themselves, opening wine, and putting the pizza in the oven. Their little girl played with her toys and the dog wandered around, a happy chaos. It’s so different from my quiet house. And for a while I was lost in their happy, tame domestic life. But then I had to go. Back into the literal cold night and back to my quiet, lonely house. How I ache for that again. A little house filled with love and laughter, how I want to time travel and see if it ever happens to me again. Or would I be disappointed and saddened to find I am always the third wheel. Always looking into the miniature Thorne rooms from outside, just dreaming. Am I always standing on the edge of sea waiting for him to come back from his journey, wherever he is. To know or not know.

Friday, November 10, 2006

It's you, it's you, only you

Lene Lovich - It's You, Only You

It's you
Who haunts my dreams
Just out of reach
With the sweet smile
And warm eyes

I've been dreaming of you
And looking for you
Even longer

Countless times
I thought I've found you
And every time
I've song this song

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I Keep Forgetting

I keep forgettin' we're not in love anymore
I keep forgettin' things will never be the same again
I keep forgettin' how you made that so clear
I keep forgettin' every time that you are near


Okay, what did we just decide?

We decided...

'Cause I'm worried, did you just break up with me?

No, no.

It sounded like you did.

No. We decided that we're friends. I mean, I know it's a terrible word...

Well, if we're friends, why can't we see each other?

I think that we should stop going out on dates.

I feel like a dick. You must think I'm a dick.

No, I don't, I don't.

Yeah you do.

Lloyd, we shared the most intimate thing two people can share.

You shared it with a dick.

Confused (an original piece)

Originally uploaded by margaretchanwk.
My wires are tangled
and my sprockets are sprung
Does it ever come together
or will it always be apart?

I want to send him love letters
and then rip them to tiny shreds
I want to hold on tight
But I'd never take him back.

I want to see a psychic
or an astrologer
I want to know the future
and forget about the past.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

From the movie, Moonstruck - Johnny's Brother

Will you marry me, Loretta Castorini

Before all these people, yes, I will
marry you, Ronny Cammareri!

She takes the ring. Ronny and Loretta kiss.

Do you love him, Loretta?

Yeah, Ma, I love him awful.

Oh God, that's too bad.

From the movie, Moonstruck - Johnny


Do you love him, Loretta?


Good. When you love them they drive
you crazy cause they know they can.

I don't want you...

I don't want you on my mind all the time
I believe that it shows a sign of weakness
I don't want no lonely nights that gets me cryin'
I found out I don't get nowhere with weakness
Every dream about you
I just wake up knowing that I've got to do without you

I don't want all the time doin' up my mind
I don't want you on my mind all the time

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Friday, November 03, 2006

Gotta have faith faith faith

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Say Anything

Nobody thought we'd do this. Nobody really thinks it's going to work, do they?

No. You just described every great success story.

I know.

They look at the smoking sign.

Where's the ding?

It's coming... any second now... any second now.

The ding sounds.



Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Bitter and alone

I should be more bitter
Stop telling him, "I love you"
Even when all the love songs
Were only about him.

I should be more angry
Stop answering his calls
I should tear up his photos
And just be alone.

But I have this dash of hope
It's stupid but it's true
We'll never be like that again
I shouldn't even dream.

Happy Halloween 2006

My porch
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
It was a hard one. The first that I did it totally solo, han. The men in my life never help me with all this crazy light stuff but I like help with the handing out of the candy. Sometimes starting the fire. I had to figure out the fog machine and start the fire and try not to be so depressed. There used to be dry ice, but I bought a fog machine instead. I put on my tiger coat, stood there and gave out about 25 lbs of candy to 121 kids. My sugar high is about to come down. I got through it. I should go eat more candy.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween

I loved this song when it first came out and this silly video has the song and a ton of cheesy monster movies. Enjoy.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Gypsy Wagon

Gypsy Wagon circa 1800
Originally uploaded by zIDEAz.
That free loving gypsy from the island of Crete.
Like the Incredible Hulk wandering to the next town.
His clothes in tatters but his pants stay on.
A smaller King Kong fighting the chains of expectations and labels.
Sometimes the path seems so easy,
And the call of the rose is so clear.
Then the fog obscures it all, doubt settles in.
Where will he go in his gypsy wagon,
That dear boy of mine.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Flying Cars!

I have been searching for this commercial for a longy long time. My intuition told me that good old YouTube would have it for me. And you can play it over and over.

Zesto Drive-in

Zesto Drive-in
Originally uploaded by agilitynut.
Isn't Zesto a great zesty word! Penquin Zesto, Winona, MN I have a photo of a Zesto too. In Winona a boy waited and we had ice cream there over the summer. Maybe next summer we can go again. It's nice to dream about summer.