Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ain't no sunshine

Except I sing it "Ain't no sunshine when HE's gone."

Any time he goes away. Any time he goes away.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

It's the plumber

I've come to fix the sink!
Another favorite from the Electric Company. I forgot how funky their logo was!

Dawn Portrait of a Teenage Runaway 1976 - Eve Plumb

I saw this long ago as an after school special. Jan Brady as a hooker. Thanks Cranky Recaps!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Eggie songs

When my sister was really young, about three, she'd be swinging on those big, old, metal swing sets they have at the park and she'd sing cute little songs. It's probably a standard three year old thing - cute little made up songs. Her songs were always about someone or something called Eggie. Eggie lived in a dandelion is all I can remember of what she'd sing. It was really cute.

I know this guy who sings me Eggie type songs. I have some I saved on a tape, one involves a bumble bee, a bum bum bumble bee and a wigwam. Today I got a cute song along with a great hug and sadly I can't remember any part of it. Only that it was really cute and made me smile.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Long ago I had this vision of someone - in a few years from now, we're by a white building - maybe a church or an old farm house and there's a flowered trellis. I had on a filmy, white dress and there were flowers everywhere - in my hair and on my dress. Maybe it's a wedding or something like that. There are tons of people around us, it's sunny and warm and everyone is in a good mood. I don't see his face in my vision, but I can see his shoes. A pair of red Chuck Taylors. And the suit is pinstriped. I reach up in my vision to put my hands on his shoulders. And we walk through the trellis. I am the happiest person in the world. That pinstriped suit is the same on that's hanging in my upstairs closet.

James and I were walking tonight along the river parkway. I don't think he noticed when I grabbed onto his shoulder to see, to check. It's feels like the one that's in my vision.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


What the hell was I thinking. Saturday, I was feeling crappy and thinking too much. About him. I'm realizing how he'll drop everything for his brother(s) and for me it's an I'll see, let me ask, I dunno, I'll have to check. There's a dinner for my dad I've known about for months - asking him stupidly, do you want to go? I'll see, let me ask, I dunno. Maybe he's just not that into me. So I go to Amazon and pull up the book shown. And ask him point blank, "Are you're just not that into me?" And he knows I've been feeling crappy, moody, and ampy. And what was he thinking when he said. Yes. Yes, you are way more into me than am into you. And hearing the truth punched me in the gut. I lost my breath and my shit. And only regained it when I went into that crying, gasping shit you shouldn't do at work. What was I thinking to even ask? But I had to know.

So what am I thinking, forgiving him, for laughing at it today when I feel better. What the fuck am I thinking?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Hurts, Doughnut

I'd always fall for that joke in grade schoo; someone would ask, "Do you want a doughnut?" As a fat kid with a sugar addiction - what do you think I would I say. And then I'd get a punch on the arm. "Hurts, Don't it!" And I'd fall for it over and over still hoping that there still might be a doughnut involved. Even a powdered sugar or even a (yecchhhhhhhhh) plain cake. Or maybe a chocolate iced, creme filled!.

It does hurt. My heart, my body, my soul. I'm grouchy and tired and I don't trust anyone.

I'll believe you when I see you there.

Sunday, May 06, 2007


Last year, he moves away,
and it breaks my heart
Then there's talk of
some stupid farmhouse.

I'd ask what about us,
Can we plan a place for us,
instead he'd talk about a spare room
in that stupid farmhouse.

He had planned to come back, later that fall
but he surprised me by saying
he was taking some classes
to build that stupid farmhouse.

He told me once
when it's all built
he plans to live
in that stupid farmhouse.

There's even a woman
with the same dreams
they can share that spare room
in the stupid farmhouse.

Everyday I tell him
to go pack his bags
too bad it's not built yet
that stupid farmhouse.

I have the speech ready
to say what a waste
to give it all up
for a stupid farmhouse.

Saturday, May 05, 2007


There is one substance that is my downfall, something that brings me to my knees. Cheap cake with icing. Honest to god. Also pretty much any sugary baked goodies. But white cake. Ah white cake with cheap frosting. I was out looking for donuts this morning for a coworker's birthday. I stop at two small bakeries. I want the big selection, sprinkles, Long Johns, crullers, the works. I have to resort to Cub. While they do make awesome donuts, it's buying from a Con huge co. I'm filling up the box. And there is a dazzling selection - just as I hoped. Then I see a lady with a huge white frosting cake on a table. She's cutting it up and giving it away. I'm pausing while she gets some pieces out ready to give away. And there's a corner piece loaded with frosting. I can't resist. Oh god, it's good! I stuff it in my mouth while carrying a whole 'nother box of sugary kryptonite. Such sweet surrender. I gotta have a salad for dinner. Just lettuce. No dressing.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Edge of Night

When I was a kid, my mom watched this soap, Edge of Night. What a great name. I remember those spooky black and white credits. Edge of Night sounds ominous. Scary. She and my Aunt Gen watched it together. My mom in Chicago and Aunt Gen in LA. They'd compare notes - talk about the characters.

I called my mom tonight. I gave her the updates on my soap opera life - who was sick, who was addicted, who had what psych disorder, who was on thin ice. All that shit. She told me to write it all down and publish it. Other friends have said the same thing. When do I do it? Do I wait for it to be over, for him to move away, to see what happens?

I've always wondered, if your life IS a soap opera then do you need to watch more?