Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween

I loved this song when it first came out and this silly video has the song and a ton of cheesy monster movies. Enjoy.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Gypsy Wagon

Gypsy Wagon circa 1800
Originally uploaded by zIDEAz.
That free loving gypsy from the island of Crete.
Like the Incredible Hulk wandering to the next town.
His clothes in tatters but his pants stay on.
A smaller King Kong fighting the chains of expectations and labels.
Sometimes the path seems so easy,
And the call of the rose is so clear.
Then the fog obscures it all, doubt settles in.
Where will he go in his gypsy wagon,
That dear boy of mine.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Flying Cars!

I have been searching for this commercial for a longy long time. My intuition told me that good old YouTube would have it for me. And you can play it over and over.

Zesto Drive-in

Zesto Drive-in
Originally uploaded by agilitynut.
Isn't Zesto a great zesty word! Penquin Zesto, Winona, MN I have a photo of a Zesto too. In Winona a boy waited and we had ice cream there over the summer. Maybe next summer we can go again. It's nice to dream about summer.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It was all yellow

When I was a teen, I got to redecorate my bedroom. My inner child wanted lots of yellow so I painted the walls this light yellow and got matching curtains and bed spread. A happy yellow.

Three years ago, going through my divorce, it was hard and I wanted to give up. I just wanted to up and die. I had this vision of seeing my now bedroom lit up by a bright cast of yellow light. It gave me hope that someday the shit would be over and brightness would return.

Last year, there was a conversation of your move to Winona and how you knew it would be bad for a while yet you saw us together somehow maybe much later. I could see that really clearly and in that vision I saw a tiny yellow cottage and it was like a sappy sweet Thomas Kincade painting. I have this tiny tiny sliver of hope of that vision coming true. Today it feels totally lost - that there's no hope. Just pain. I guess there's always maybe. Or is it yellow because I'm a coward, afraid to let you go.

There was a boy, there wasn't a boy...

The Heart-Repair Calculator
Long relationships (1 YEAR OR MORE)

1. estimate how happy you were (day to day) on a scale of 1 to 3

2. estimate how physically attractive you found your mate on a scale of 1 to 3

3. add up A and B - and then divide this number by 2-- this will give you a number in years

4. subtract one year from the total

Example: John was happily married to Mary (he ranked his happiness a 2 out of 3. He found Mary very attractive, a 3 out of 3. Mary leaves. John's heart will take 1 ½ years to recover.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Fell on black days

Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
Whatsoever I've fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and I'm doin' time
Cause I fell on black days

Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now
Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down
I'm a search light soul
They say but I can't see it in the night
I'm only faking when I get it right
Cause I fell on black days
How would I know that this could be my fate

So what you wanted to see good has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine
So don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
Not tying...no not tying

I sure don't mind a change
But I fell on black days
How would I know that this could be my fate

Jagged cat

I saw these paintings long long ago in a Time Life Psychology book my parents had. It shows through art this Painter, Louis Wain, afflicted with schizophrenia. The cat paintings get more and more abstract. I use the expression jagged cat and I don't know if my friends understand. At least my therapist does. I'm working on stopping biting my nails and to stop the obsessive shit that rattles in my head non-stop. I hope my art never looks this crazy.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Magnum of fun

Originally uploaded by illtakeyourphoto!.
Oh god, I love this ride. This comes to my state fair in Minnesota every year and I laugh at how odd the hat seems to be added/placed on Tom's Bozo-like hair. Friends know I'll drag them down the midway to laugh at the graphics of this thing. How I miss summer. It's frickin' cold out and I'm watering my new sod. I wish it WERE summer.

Put your coat on, honey - we're leaving

My dear friend, Ken, wrote about a hilarious journey we took to a corn maze.

I was thinking of the car buying story this morning. So now I don't have to write it. I do feel it. Do you go through a maze with the hope of reaching the end intact maybe even win a prize. Or do you walk out right in the middle. Are you prepared to walk if the game is just too much to bear?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Ice Queen

Chip at my heart
One piece at a time
You won't make a dent
'Cuz I'm the ice queeen

Change up your plans
Or run away from home
Abandon all your friends
Even me, the ice queen

Go be the baby
Or the pretty princess
I don't give a fuck
'Cuz I'm the ice queeen

I'll steel my heart
And forget about you
I hope it's soon
Hard to be the ice queen.

Lurch nightmare

I dream that I'm at home. A couple lives in my office. The guy looks like a bald Lurch.
I find them using my computer and I'm creeped out. Somehow they've living like in my big desk. Like there's a whole in the middle. I go to my bedroom and shut the door. The man follows my into my bedroom and I scream at him to get out because I was about to change my clothes. He doesn't get it. I think this repeats because I"m really frustrated at telling him to get out, and he keeps coming back. I know I'm screaming and angry and they guy is just not getting it. I go down the hall and find the wife to complain to her and she's nonchalent and says I should be more uninhibited. I woke up so frustrated. Rarrrrrrrrrr. A bald Lurch? What the hell is that?

Monday, October 16, 2006

A big ole cup of Prozac

Prozac mug
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
I cannot remember what I did for my friend Ken. But all I asked in return was a Prozac cup just like his. I love blue translucent stuff. One day he surprised me with my very own cup. What's nice in this shot the flowers outside are still alive - not the gooey mess they are now. I take Lamictal actually. Prozac scares me.

You make me wanna cry

You don't know how to ease my pain
You don't know
You don't know how to ease my pain
You don't know what the sound is darlin'
It's the sound of my tears fallin'
Or is it the rain?
You don't know
You don't know how to play the game
You cheat
You lie
You make me wanna cry
You make me wanna cry
You make me wanna cry
You don't know how to ease my pain
You don't know
You don't know how to ease my pain
Don't you hear any voices cryin'?
That's the sound of my love dyin'
Here comes the rain
You don't know how to play the game
You cheat
You lie
You don't even know how to say goodbye
You make me wanna cry
You don't know
You don't even know how to say goodbye
You make me wanna cry
You don't even know how to say goodbye
You make me wanna cry

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Bridge across forever

Our love, a terrified fugitive leans wide eyed on 12th story ledge, set to jump the instant we stop trying to save it.

Every fight, every mean word is the strong wind that blows at the ledge, our future teeters over the streets barely able to fight the cold angry wind.

How much would die if our love fell? If our love loses it's footing all is lost with it; walks while holding hands, vineyards, Route 66. So much.

It doesn't have to die, or vanish or fall apart. What if this is the one true love, a soul mate and then gone forever. What if we've had a small taste of what love on earth can be but we go our separate ways never to meet again. How sad that would be.

I hope we can talk our love down off the ledge and into safe hands again. I hope.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Fairy Godmother

On the way to see the movie "Sweetland" I stopped the the store
Fairy Godmother at 38th and Grand in Minneapolis. I thought I'd only stay a few minutes and get to the Edina theater for the 4:40 show. She offers me some tea and cookies. There is cute stuff all over the place. I see a book, The book of answers. I ask my daily question - should I stay with him. The answer is something like do it early. Then the owner, an actual fairy godmother in a tiger gown (a sign - I was wearing my tiger hat) comes over.

She says, "What did you ask?"

I repeat what I said and I open the book again. This time it's something really postive. Ok, today I'll keep him I think. I ask her, does she really do fairy godmother work, you know like grant wishes.

"What do you need?"

I tell her about my boyfriend moving 100 miles away and how I feel like I've been abandoned. But he's working in a homeless shelter so I'm conflicted. And when I feel needy he pulls away from me and then it doesn't help. I just want to see him but he doesn't want to see me.

She asks if he love me, if I love him, would I move to where he is. And I'm crying like a baby.

"Have you thought of seeing someone like a marriage counselor?"

Yes, I have and me and the man have discussed it but there are a billion names in the phone book. Who would I pick. Of course the fairy godmother has a name. And gives it to me.

I stuff my teary kleenexes in my coat pocket and pay for a cute pop up card, The hard back version of the book of answers and some Florida water. That is one warm and gentle place. Later, the story of the movie.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Hold me down

I saw this one late night. I love the imagery, the colors and the lyrics.

i don’t make everyone happy…..but it’s ok….it’s ok
i’ve been through this before
it’s nothing new…nothing new

i don’t know why every time i wanna fly
somebody always tries
to hold me down….hold me down…
i’m losing my faith every single time…i try
no one is on my side
don’t let me drown…let me drown

don’t worry about whatcha done now cause it’s ok…it’s ok...yeah, yeah
it’s a test to see how much you can take…it’s nothin new…

i don’t know why every time i wanna fly
somebody always tries
to hold me down….hold me down…
i’m losing my faith every single time…i try
no one is on my side
don’t let me drown…let me drown

i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
why won’t someone help me
why won’t someone help me

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Edward Hopper

Isn't this great! Edward Hopper on a spare rib day. My mom would always make spareribs on blustery, cold shitty days. Edward Hopper's work is what those days feel and look like. Bleak and lonely. Patrick would say, "But I like spareribs." He sorta got it. It's cold and blustery, lonely and windy today. I'm not a fan of spareribs. I'll have a bite but it's a big disappointment - not enough meat too much bone. Not very filling. Too lonely of a meal. From wikipedia,"Hopper depicts it in the same sense of forlorn solitude that permeates his portrayal of city life. Here too, Hopper's work exploits vast empty spaces, represented by a lonely gas station astride an empty country road and the sharp contrast between the natural light of the sky, moderated by the lush forest, and glaring artificial light coming from inside the gas station."

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Dead end

Dead end
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end of our elaborate plans
The end of ev'rything that stands
The end

No safety or surprise
The end
I'll never look into your eyes again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need of
some strangers hand
In a desperate land

Happy Face Project

Darkness prevails ....

Darkness prevails ....
Originally uploaded by asmundur.
I saw this on another blogger's page and wanted to use it as well. It's dark and cold out. There's been flakes of snow falling intermittently but it's not sticking.

During my crazy Monday night class, Miss Pamie Lou said to someone, "You need a happy face project!" and I said something like, what's a sad face project -doing taxes. I offered to google Happy Face Project and the image above is what I found. There must be some way to put multiple pictures in a blog.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Sioux City Artsplash

I take my photos and make them into shadow boxes and show them at art fairs. When they were announcing the winners at the dinner the night before, my name got read and then seconds later my cell phone rings - it's my sister. I stand up, getting everyone's attention and I go outside to talk to her. She asks, "What did you win?" I reply, "I dunno sweetie - you called and I kinda got off track. Maybe some money I'm not sure."

The next day after I got the Excellence Award this troupe of singers came by to seranade me of sorts. And to give me a handful of prizes. It was very sweet. I look very embarrased, and I am.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Grandma's Hands

I go to an intuition class at the Center in Minneapolis. My teacher is the wonderful Echo Bodine. We practice using our intuition skills. Tonight before class, I put on my Grandma's wedding ring. It's gorgeous. She gave it to me right before I got married and I forgot she gave it to me. It totally left my mind. Then one day a few months later she asks about it. I'm sure she's gone round the bend. "What ring?" I'm angry - "What ring - you never gave me a ring." I call my mom and she doesn't remember Grandma giving me a ring. I would've showed it off. Then a few weeks later rooting though an old jewelry box - there's a gorgeous ring that so not mine. OH SHIT. I still don't really remember her giving it to me. Sad. I have some reason to visit her in Chicago. My family is crazy, paranoid and very psychic. I walk into her apartment and I'm about to say, "Your ring, look look, I found it!" and before I can say anything she says something like, "Yeah yeah you found the ring." So tonight during the meditation Echo says, "There's some spirits here." and you could feel how electric it was. They kept coming in from some staircase. And suddenly, there is my grandma -right there and she held my hands. I could honestly feel her cool soft hands. The tears poured out of my eyes because my grandma was right there. And Uncle Mort, Amy, Todd, Aunt Marlene and Pat's mom, Pat. It was so cool. So cool. I showed the ring to my teacher at break. Weird and yet that was the reason. I still have it on.

Driving home I was proud to resist Echo's brownies. I wish she'd open a bakery. She makes the yummiest treats. So to resist them is akin to winning a Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously. They looked great. We ate all weekend at Mayslacks, Moscow on the Hill and at James' parent's house. I had the thought - red wine. I have a two bottles of Grgich Old Vines. A favorite of my Uncle Mort's. So I cracked one open and raised a toast to the relatives that came to my class and held my hand. Haven't felt her hands in a long long time.

Lonely in St Paul

I dunno, what will Strong Bad tell Lonely in St Paul.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Pasty rhymes with nasty and tearing off the knobs

Pat(my ex) just got back from Mackinac Island. It makes me sad to hear of Mackinac, of businesses like the Mustand Lounge and the Iroquois and I can't be there. I gave that up when I gave him up. He brought me back a Letho's Pasty from the wild U.P. I thought, should I save it, freeze it? Or why not just eat it now - just made today. It was good. It's not my picture of Lehto's. Thank the guy - here. It was good. And sad. Somewhere in my stack of film boxes are some U.P. signs I shot longy long ago. But the pasty was good. And me and my full tummy should have some dreams tonight.

Mary Jane

Mary Jane
Originally uploaded by joshuacw.
Jane says
I'm done with sergio
He treats me like a ragdoll
She hides
The television
Says 'i don't owe him nothing,
But if he comes back again
Tell him to wait right here for me or,
Try again tomorrow'

'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'
'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'

Jane says
'Have you seen my wig around?
I feel naked without it'
She knows
They all want her to go
But that's ok man
She don't like them anyway
Jane says
'I'm going away to spain when i get my money saved
I'm gonna start tomorrow'

'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'
'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'

She gets mad
And she starts to cry
Takes a swing but she can't hit!
She don't mean no harm
She just don't know...
What else to do about it

Jane goes
To the store at eight
She walks up on st. andrews
She waits
And gets her dinner there
She pulls her dinner
From her pocket

Jane says
'I've never been in love - no'
She don't know what it is
She only knows if someone wants her

'I only want 'em if they want me,...'
'I only know they want me...'

Jane says...
Jane says...

Ripped off and in pain

Like ripping off a big bandaid. Riiiiiiiiiiiippp. Ouch. When your skin cries out and it's all different. And finding delicate skin underneath, not quite healed. Rip. Or do I secretly like the pain. Do I rip it get it ripped so that I feel something?

Friday, October 06, 2006

Cookie Puss

Cookie Puss by Carvel
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
I love this song. Love it! We don't have Carvel so I didn't know what Cookie Puss was.

The shit with this bitch
Yo I said I'm calling you B.
Yo B it's the phone
Yo B.
"May I help you?"
"Yes what's your name?"
"Hello man you got Cookypuss's number?"
"Here's my supervisor, he'll help you"
"Yo man, where's the supervisor at?
I-I got the number anyway baby!
That bitch hang up on me"
These pussy crumbs are making me itch!
Ah Cookypuss, HEY! Ah Cookypuss
Maybe I should scratch
Aaahhn, B-E-A-S-T-I-E go!
"My real name is"
"My real name is"
"My sisters name was"
Cookypuss, cook, cook, cook, scratch, scratch.
Oh,cook, cook, cook, cook oh cookypuss
"And my mother got to call us for dinner"
"Yo, yo, yo!"
Cookypuss. Pussy crumbs, what are pussy crumbs?
"Take me home and eat me, yeah!"
Bitch, I'll fuckin' kick your ass bitch.
"Hello, Carvel?"
"Yo man Cookypuss there?"
"Cookypuss, I want to speak to Cookypuss man!"
"No. Nobody here by that name."
"A Cooky or Puss then. Cookychic, anybody man, I want to speak to them!"
"There not here."
"I said wheres Cookypuss at?
Yo I'm serious, I wanna talk to.. yo man
Cookypuss, alright let, let me order one then, let me get one."
"When do you want it for?"
"Anytime man, just like now and shit, you know, that shit now.
I'm talkin' now B. Damn bitch hang up, I'll kick your ass bitch"
"Yo yo yo"
"Yo yo yo"
"Beastie Boys rock!"
"Beastie Boys"

Diane Human Style Hair Net

Diane Human Style Hair Net
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
Oh, and here's the hair net! Not that I was tearing around the house, swearing, upsetting the dog or anything. Nope, it was right where I left it. Or forget I left it or something like that.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Country Singles box

Country Singles box
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
No need to be lonely,
I've got my cathode ray tube.
No need for sorrow,
I've got a jar of lube.
No need for hunger,
I've got freezer full,
No need for sleep,
I got me some Red Bull.
No need for friends
I have the internet
No need for fancy gel
I gots me a hair net.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Stove at Fair Oaks, Minneapolis, MN

I'm the dark stove in the corner. Just waiting, just staring out the window. An old sad stove. I miss this old apartment. Maybe it misses me.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Big in Value

Big in Value
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.
Oh you. I miss you, I feel like the little lady (oh ha ha ha) and the big bad phone mocks me, overpowers me. Little in cost. Little is how I feel when you're far away. But my phone won't ring, not from Vista Lake. Not from way way way up there by the Red Green show's Possum Lodge. Or Grand Marais. I send you a psychic phone call by the light of the moon. Or a cigar shaped space ship. A cigare volante. Stay warm and I miss you.

Cars - the movie

I love this movie. Yeah yeah I've heard that isn't it funny that a big studio made this about a trying to get a little town back on the map. It's an adorable movie, it has bits of Route 66 on it. And I think it's sweet. Plus the neon signs rock, they are shown all old and rusted and by the end the neon and the town has come back to life. I've taken my boyfriend and ex husband to this and they both got their arms punched from the "Oooh oooh - lookit the neon!" and "Slug bug!" Some things never change. Yes, I'd even punch your arm too!

Indianhead Motel, Chippewa Falls, WI

And I sold a copy of this guy too. I gotta post it as a night shot. I love that you can't tell what year it is. There's an old car in the backround that makes it look like I shot this in the 1950's. Nope. 1991. It's my lucky roll of film.

Fishing Hall of Fame, Hayward, WI

Long long ago my friend, Caroline and I ran away from Minneapolis and took a road trip to Wisconsin. I only had this one roll of bw in my Pentax ME Super and off we went. We went to Thorp, Abbotsford, Hayward and Spooner WI. I have so many magical pictures that I show from this one trip. I sold a copy of this guy today! I love selling my pieces. It's kinda sad too - setting free one of my babies. But it has a good home.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Pocket Pig Coin Saver Bank front

This has been in my parent's front hall crap drawer for over 30 years. I remember getting it at the bank as a small child and dreamed of all the quarters I'd save.
When I took it from my parent's house, I felt like I was transporting the Hope Diamond. I'd check my bag everytime I stopped for gas. What if it fell out.

Then at home after upacking. I knew I put it somewhere safe or did I stupidly throw it away. I freaked out and was cleaning feverishly and then spotted it on a shelf. Wheewwwwwwwww.