Gashlycrumb Tinies

Back in college, I worked at a place called Jeron Camera (now Wolf Camera). My boss, Marv, was a hoot. He had all sorts of weird things in his office. He had samples of fake hair that he'd bring out. He liked that none of us overlapped in hair color. Silly, crazy. He'd ask you if you'd seen the picture of his kid and then he'd point to the picture of K is for Kate on his wall. I loved it. Since he only had that one picture - I had no idea where it came from. Discovering the whole alphabet poster in some mall poster store I bought it in Marv's honor. But during a move it got horribly torn and I threw it away. I don't know what made me look for it today. Maybe because of the ennui (my personal favorite) Or see the whole alphabet!

Going round in circles

I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends
I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

I've got a lil' story ain't got no moral
Let the bad guy win every once in a while
I've got a lil' story ain't got no moral
Let the bad guy win every once in a while

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

I've got a lil' dance ain't got no steps
I'm gonna let the music move me around
I've got a dance I ain't got no steps
I'm gonna let the music move me around

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends
I've got a song I ain't got no melody
How'm I gonna sing it with my friends

Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky
Will it go round in circles
Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky

Going to the Dark Side

I had this dark sad post planned about wanting to go to the dark side. You know the constant, "I saw something nasty in the woodshed." I'll never be happy, it's no use fighting the dark side. I should resign myself that I'm doomed to be both my mom and Aunt Bea, (a fat little tub) I was trolling around Youtube and found a Darth Vader video clip that's more funny than dark.

Spinning

This weekend has my mind spinning. From things said, things not said. One thing stands out - a speech made by a best man to his brother. Talking about the groom needing the bride and the bride needing the groom. I recall a conversation with this best man,

"I need you." I said to him. And he replied, "Why, and why me?" I asked if he ever needed anyone and he coldly replied, "No, I don't need anyone."

So I wonder how this best man could understand about people needing each other when he doesn't have any needs. And needs no one. Needs no one. Is this what I need in my life? Someone who makes my head spin, keeps me confused. And stupid me - I keep letting him.

Thanksgiving

I have dream of Thanksgiving being just like this Norman Rockwell picture. Honest to god. The lighting, the white WASPy faces, a girl in pigtails, a grandma bringing out the gorgeous turkey. Even though it's my mom bringing out a Howard Kaufman turkey, and none of the dishes match, and there'll be something new like greek dolmas or even bagels and lox (really - but it was good) Thanksgiving is different to everyone. And my family is weird and laughs too loud. And the kids run around spilling the 11 bottles of wine. And there's couscous and Czech liquor and big chocolate turkeys. But it's home as weird and silly and so not like Norman Rockwell picture one bit. And it never will be. But that's ok.

Turkey Day Marathon

I miss the old days of watching the MST3K Turkey Day marathon and making the food at the same time. One MST3K Turkey Marathon long ago Crow said something like, "Turkey Fact #12: Turkeys are filled with enough L-Tryptophan to knock you on your sorry Thanksgiving Day ass." I'll be driving on Thanksgiving with the food in my back seat. Happy Thanksgiving.

Wee Bit of Scotch

My dear friend, Dave, was about to go off to basic training, then become a JAG. He's no spring chicken and I've been a bit scared and worried. I have to - I'm jewish. He calls tonight and I'm shocked to see his name on my caller ID. He tells me at the very last minute there was some snafu about meds he took once, but not taking now but still on his record. What a pisser! He may be able to go in January. He was calling me from an outdoor cafe somewhere in San Francisco having a latte and a cigar.

I told him of my busy day and some communication issues I had. My intuition was all off. I went to get an oil change and there were tons of cars waiting. Fuck. I was using logic, not intuition. At 1 pm there shouldn'tve been any cars but for some fucking reason the stupid Saturn was packed. And it's been going like that all day. If I'd listened to my intuition I wouldn't wasted so much time.

I promised Dave I'd have some Scotch in his honor. And in a bit I will to end this crazy day. If I had some 25 year old Macallan - I'd drink it. I'll have to make do with some cheaper stuff. I hope both of our days are better ones.

Carving a pumpkin

Oh yeah, I'd wear this get up to carve a pumpkin. I'm sure I'd keep my little apron all nice and neat. No cold goey pumpkin glurp on my naked flesh. Or down my push up bra. No sirree bob! Oh and heels too. Nice try. Ha ha ha.

Camp Coldwater

I've seen pictures of this place in the paper. This is an old picture.
Thanks MNHS!

From MPR, "The spring that feeds Coldwater Creek spills into a stone-walled reservoir built well over a century ago. The creek flows into the Mississippi River near where it meets the Minnesota River. Many people point to the spring as the cradle of modern Minnesota's existence. As the clearest and fastest flowing water source in the area, it was an amenity for the U.S. Army soldiers who built nearby Fort Snelling in the 1820s."

But it's on Government property. And you can be shot if you try to get on the land. Or something similar. I was wandering around on Saturday on path that runs parallel to the bike path. I could see a historic marker probably near the spring from this high vantage point. And a security guard in a car with a cheesey security logo. It was good recon to see where he parked. On Sunday, I went back but I took the path that runs through the state park. It's shady and foresty and really pretty. I tried to remember where the spring was - it's hard to see the buildings from the state park path. Then I find a big hole in the fence and a government warning sign. Ok ok they'll shot me or make me listen to Rush Limbaugh. I creep up the hill - like some old NBC or CBS mystery movie. Just like Crow and Tom. I creep up the hill, and I don't see Mr Security and there it is! The spring and the old building looking a bit more worn.

Baby Got Back

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
If you wanna role in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back

Oh my god, they killed Kenny

About a million years ago, (or 17 is it 17, oh shit) I was on a film shoot. I had done one commercial for this company and they hinted if I did this free one - other jobs could follow. And I needed the experience. It was a piece for an advertising awards show. A ten day shoot. I was one of the only people who was there for the whole thing. One day, we were shooting at the old Stillwater prison. It had these crusty jail cells and it was nice and creepy. There was this guy doing the sound, Ken. For some reason I made a joke about needing some Maalox Whip and he turned around, laughed and was the only person there who knew what it was. (Maalox in an aerosol can that was like dessert topping.) From that day on, we knew we shared an odd sense of humor. And when people ask us where we met, I always gleeful respond, "In prison!!!"

One fall day, I had this thought of taking a picture of Ken in his classic Bonneville. The red blood and green car. And he went along with it. So I dug out the photos from that old shoot and I'll give him the printouts tonite at his birthday party. We met in prison and I killed him. That's what friends are for. Happy Birthday Ken.

Song Mac Arthur Park

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

The first time I heard this I was not paying attention until that line about a cake out in the rain. That couldn't be it. And it is. Cakes left out in the rain. Man what were we joking about that made me sing this song?

Chuckwagon

I have lots of Chuckwagon-y stuff in my life. Long long ago there was a commercial for Chuck Wagon dog food. The little chuck wagon would disappear into the cabinet. The little cowboys on the chuckwagon were shouting something like,"Ya ya chuckwagon, chuckwagon." If I see something named or that looks like a chuckwagon. Umm let's just say it's best to just stay away from me until I can get it out of my head. Ya ya chuck wagon.

There's a photo on flickr of a great Chuckwagon restaurant. That's what got me on this track.

Last week, I was in the Chicago area. I picked up my sister at O'hare and asked her if she was hungry. I was hoping she'd want to go to her old haunt The Wilmette Chuckwagon. And long ago me and the man of my dreams went to yet another Chuckwagon restaurant out in Brooklyn Center, MN that he remembered from his childhood. It's not a tiny hamburger joint like the Wilmette, but the wagon wheel decor rocked. I know, they're all over I have a picture of one in New Mexico. Again Ya ya chuck wagon.

Drive me wild

Two silly things about driving and wild. With a Floyd

Matches, little girl and a phone

Like the little match girl
I close my eyes
and for a second
you're here
right there
in the room
with me
and I can
feel you
you're real

but the call
like the match
ends
and again
I'm cold
and lonely

waiting
for
your
voice
again

Time Traveling

I’m reading the book, The Time Traveler's Wife. Henry is the time traveler who first meets his future wife, Clare, when she’s 6. He gets unavoidably whisked around in time. He disappears from a scene in, say, 1998 to find himself suddenly, usually without his clothes, which mysteriously disappear in transit, at an entirely different place 10 years earlier-or later. Clare never knows if he’ll disappear or if he’ll reappear 10 years older. They met when he was 36 so when she meets him at age 28 – he doesn’t know her. It’s crazy and it messes up my head. But it’s sweet. At one point, she’s asked if she misses him. She says, “Every day, every minute.” It makes me ache to think of loving someone who could disappear into thin air.

I was at some friend’s house last night. They were just being themselves, opening wine, and putting the pizza in the oven. Their little girl played with her toys and the dog wandered around, a happy chaos. It’s so different from my quiet house. And for a while I was lost in their happy, tame domestic life. But then I had to go. Back into the literal cold night and back to my quiet, lonely house. How I ache for that again. A little house filled with love and laughter, how I want to time travel and see if it ever happens to me again. Or would I be disappointed and saddened to find I am always the third wheel. Always looking into the miniature Thorne rooms from outside, just dreaming. Am I always standing on the edge of sea waiting for him to come back from his journey, wherever he is. To know or not know.

It's you, it's you, only you

Lene Lovich - It's You, Only You


It's you
Who haunts my dreams
Just out of reach
With the sweet smile
And warm eyes

I've been dreaming of you
Forever
And looking for you
Even longer

Countless times
I thought I've found you
And every time
I've song this song

I Keep Forgetting

I keep forgettin' we're not in love anymore
I keep forgettin' things will never be the same again
I keep forgettin' how you made that so clear
I keep forgettin' every time that you are near

Dick

LLOYD
Okay, what did we just decide?

DIANE
We decided...

LLOYD
'Cause I'm worried, did you just break up with me?

DIANE
No, no.

LLOYD
It sounded like you did.

DIANE
No. We decided that we're friends. I mean, I know it's a terrible word...

LLOYD
Well, if we're friends, why can't we see each other?

DIANE
I think that we should stop going out on dates.

LLOYD
I feel like a dick. You must think I'm a dick.

DIANE
No, I don't, I don't.

LLOYD
Yeah you do.

DIANE
Lloyd, we shared the most intimate thing two people can share.

LLOYD
You shared it with a dick.

Confused (an original piece)

Confused
Originally uploaded by margaretchanwk.

My wires are tangled
and my sprockets are sprung
Does it ever come together
or will it always be apart?

I want to send him love letters
and then rip them to tiny shreds
I want to hold on tight
But I'd never take him back.

I want to see a psychic
or an astrologer
I want to know the future
and forget about the past.

From the movie, Moonstruck - Johnny's Brother

RONNY
Will you marry me, Loretta Castorini
Clark?

LORETTA
Before all these people, yes, I will
marry you, Ronny Cammareri!

She takes the ring. Ronny and Loretta kiss.

ROSE
Do you love him, Loretta?

LORETTA
Yeah, Ma, I love him awful.

ROSE
Oh God, that's too bad.

From the movie, Moonstruck - Johnny

ROSE

Do you love him, Loretta?

LORETTA
No.

ROSE
Good. When you love them they drive
you crazy cause they know they can.

I don't want you...

I don't want you on my mind all the time
I believe that it shows a sign of weakness
I don't want no lonely nights that gets me cryin'
I found out I don't get nowhere with weakness
Every dream about you
I just wake up knowing that I've got to do without you

I don't want all the time doin' up my mind
I don't want you on my mind all the time

There's a bear in the woods

There's a bear in the woods. Happy Election Day! I wish I could embed the bear.

Babadosh

The argument continues...

Babadeesh

Look these cute kids. I am their fun aunt.

Gotta have faith faith faith

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith...

Say Anything

DIANE
Nobody thought we'd do this. Nobody really thinks it's going to work, do they?

LLOYD
No. You just described every great success story.

DIANE
I know.

They look at the smoking sign.

Where's the ding?

LLOYD
It's coming... any second now... any second now.

The ding sounds.

BLACKOUT.

CREDITS ROLL.

Bitter and alone

I should be more bitter
Stop telling him, "I love you"
Even when all the love songs
Were only about him.

I should be more angry
Stop answering his calls
I should tear up his photos
And just be alone.

But I have this dash of hope
It's stupid but it's true
We'll never be like that again
I shouldn't even dream.

Happy Halloween 2006

My porch
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

It was a hard one. The first that I did it totally solo, han. The men in my life never help me with all this crazy light stuff but I like help with the handing out of the candy. Sometimes starting the fire. I had to figure out the fog machine and start the fire and try not to be so depressed. There used to be dry ice, but I bought a fog machine instead. I put on my tiger coat, stood there and gave out about 25 lbs of candy to 121 kids. My sugar high is about to come down. I got through it. I should go eat more candy.

Happy Halloween

I loved this song when it first came out and this silly video has the song and a ton of cheesy monster movies. Enjoy.

Gypsy Wagon

Gypsy Wagon circa 1800
Originally uploaded by zIDEAz.

That free loving gypsy from the island of Crete.
Like the Incredible Hulk wandering to the next town.
His clothes in tatters but his pants stay on.
A smaller King Kong fighting the chains of expectations and labels.
Sometimes the path seems so easy,
And the call of the rose is so clear.
Then the fog obscures it all, doubt settles in.
Where will he go in his gypsy wagon,
That dear boy of mine.

Flying Cars!

I have been searching for this commercial for a longy long time. My intuition told me that good old YouTube would have it for me. And you can play it over and over.

Zesto Drive-in

Zesto Drive-in
Originally uploaded by agilitynut.

Isn't Zesto a great zesty word! I have a photo of a Zesto too. In Winona a boy waited and we had ice cream there over the summer. Maybe next summer we can go again. It's nice to dream about summer.

It was all yellow

When I was a teen, I got to redecorate my bedroom. My inner child wanted lots of yellow so I painted the walls this light yellow and got matching curtains and bed spread. A happy yellow.

Three years ago, going through my divorce, it was hard and I wanted to give up. I just wanted to up and die. I had this vision of seeing my now bedroom lit up by a bright cast of yellow light. It gave me hope that someday the shit would be over and brightness would return.

Last year, there was a conversation of your move to Winona and how you knew it would be bad for a while yet you saw us together somehow maybe much later. I could see that really clearly and in that vision I saw a tiny yellow cottage and it was like a sappy sweet Thomas Kincade painting. I have this tiny tiny sliver of hope of that vision coming true. Today it feels totally lost - that there's no hope. Just pain. I guess there's always maybe. Or is it yellow because I'm a coward, afraid to let you go.

There was a boy, there wasn't a boy...

The Heart-Repair Calculator
Long relationships (1 YEAR OR MORE)

1. estimate how happy you were (day to day) on a scale of 1 to 3

2. estimate how physically attractive you found your mate on a scale of 1 to 3

3. add up A and B - and then divide this number by 2-- this will give you a number in years

4. subtract one year from the total

Example: John was happily married to Mary (he ranked his happiness a 2 out of 3. He found Mary very attractive, a 3 out of 3. Mary leaves. John's heart will take 1 ½ years to recover.

Fell on black days

Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
Whatsoever I've fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and I'm doin' time
Cause I fell on black days

Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now
Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down
I'm a search light soul
They say but I can't see it in the night
I'm only faking when I get it right
Cause I fell on black days
How would I know that this could be my fate

So what you wanted to see good has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine
So don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
Not tying...no not tying

I sure don't mind a change
But I fell on black days
How would I know that this could be my fate

Jagged cat

I saw these paintings long long ago in a Time Life Psychology book my parents had. It shows through art this Painter, Louis Wain, afflicted with schizophrenia. The cat paintings get more and more abstract. I use the expression jagged cat and I don't know if my friends understand. At least my therapist does. I'm working on stopping biting my nails and to stop the obsessive shit that rattles in my head non-stop. I hope my art never looks this crazy.

Magnum of fun

Magnum
Originally uploaded by illtakeyourphoto!.

Oh god, I love this ride. This comes to my state fair in Minnesota every year and I laugh at how odd the hat seems to be added/placed on Tom's Bozo-like hair. Friends know I'll drag them down the midway to laugh at the graphics of this thing. How I miss summer. It's frickin' cold out and I'm watering my new sod. I wish it WERE summer.

Put your coat on, honey - we're leaving

My dear friend, Ken, wrote about a hilarious journey we took to a corn maze.

I was thinking of the car buying story this morning. So now I don't have to write it. I do feel it. Do you go through a maze with the hope of reaching the end intact maybe even win a prize. Or do you walk out right in the middle. Are you prepared to walk if the game is just too much to bear?

Ice Queen

Chip at my heart
One piece at a time
You won't make a dent
'Cuz I'm the ice queeen

Change up your plans
Or run away from home
Abandon all your friends
Even me, the ice queen

Go be the baby
Or the pretty princess
I don't give a fuck
'Cuz I'm the ice queeen

I'll steel my heart
And forget about you
I hope it's soon
Hard to be the ice queen.

Lurch nightmare

I dream that I'm at home. A couple lives in my office. The guy looks like a bald Lurch.
I find them using my computer and I'm creeped out. Somehow they've living like in my big desk. Like there's a whole in the middle. I go to my bedroom and shut the door. The man follows my into my bedroom and I scream at him to get out because I was about to change my clothes. He doesn't get it. I think this repeats because I"m really frustrated at telling him to get out, and he keeps coming back. I know I'm screaming and angry and they guy is just not getting it. I go down the hall and find the wife to complain to her and she's nonchalent and says I should be more uninhibited. I woke up so frustrated. Rarrrrrrrrrr. A bald Lurch? What the hell is that?

A big ole cup of Prozac

Prozac mug
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

I cannot remember what I did for my friend Ken. But all I asked in return was a Prozac cup just like his. I love blue translucent stuff. One day he surprised me with my very own cup. What's nice in this shot the flowers outside are still alive - not the gooey mess they are now. I take Lamictal actually. Prozac scares me.

You make me wanna cry

You don't know how to ease my pain
You don't know
You don't know how to ease my pain
You don't know what the sound is darlin'
It's the sound of my tears fallin'
Or is it the rain?
You don't know
You don't know how to play the game
You cheat
You lie
You make me wanna cry
You make me wanna cry
Cry...
You make me wanna cry
You don't know how to ease my pain
You don't know
You don't know how to ease my pain
Don't you hear any voices cryin'?
That's the sound of my love dyin'
Here comes the rain
You don't know how to play the game
You cheat
You lie
You don't even know how to say goodbye
You make me wanna cry
You don't know
You don't even know how to say goodbye
You make me wanna cry
You don't even know how to say goodbye
You make me wanna cry
Cry...

Bridge across forever

Our love, a terrified fugitive leans wide eyed on 12th story ledge, set to jump the instant we stop trying to save it.

Every fight, every mean word is the strong wind that blows at the ledge, our future teeters over the streets barely able to fight the cold angry wind.

How much would die if our love fell? If our love loses it's footing all is lost with it; walks while holding hands, vineyards, Route 66. So much.

It doesn't have to die, or vanish or fall apart. What if this is the one true love, a soul mate and then gone forever. What if we've had a small taste of what love on earth can be but we go our separate ways never to meet again. How sad that would be.

I hope we can talk our love down off the ledge and into safe hands again. I hope.

Fairy Godmother

On the way to see the movie "Sweetland" I stopped the the store
Fairy Godmother at 38th and Grand in Minneapolis. I thought I'd only stay a few minutes and get to the Edina theater for the 4:40 show. She offers me some tea and cookies. There is cute stuff all over the place. I see a book, The book of answers. I ask my daily question - should I stay with him. The answer is something like do it early. Then the owner, an actual fairy godmother in a tiger gown (a sign - I was wearing my tiger hat) comes over.

She says, "What did you ask?"

I repeat what I said and I open the book again. This time it's something really postive. Ok, today I'll keep him I think. I ask her, does she really do fairy godmother work, you know like grant wishes.

"What do you need?"

I tell her about my boyfriend moving 100 miles away and how I feel like I've been abandoned. But he's working in a homeless shelter so I'm conflicted. And when I feel needy he pulls away from me and then it doesn't help. I just want to see him but he doesn't want to see me.

She asks if he love me, if I love him, would I move to where he is. And I'm crying like a baby.

"Have you thought of seeing someone like a marriage counselor?"

Yes, I have and me and the man have discussed it but there are a billion names in the phone book. Who would I pick. Of course the fairy godmother has a name. And gives it to me.

I stuff my teary kleenexes in my coat pocket and pay for a cute pop up card, The hard back version of the book of answers and some Florida water. That is one warm and gentle place. Later, the story of the movie.

Hold me down

I saw this one late night. I love the imagery, the colors and the lyrics.

i don’t make everyone happy…..but it’s ok….it’s ok
i’ve been through this before
it’s nothing new…nothing new

i don’t know why every time i wanna fly
somebody always tries
to hold me down….hold me down…
i’m losing my faith every single time…i try
no one is on my side
don’t let me drown…let me drown

don’t worry about whatcha done now cause it’s ok…it’s ok...yeah, yeah
it’s a test to see how much you can take…it’s nothin new…

i don’t know why every time i wanna fly
somebody always tries
to hold me down….hold me down…
i’m losing my faith every single time…i try
no one is on my side
don’t let me drown…let me drown

i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
i am drowning…i am sinking….yeah
why won’t someone help me
why won’t someone help me

Edward Hopper

Isn't this great! Edward Hopper on a spare rib day. My mom would always make spareribs on blustery, cold shitty days. Edward Hopper's work is what those days feel and look like. Bleak and lonely. Patrick would say, "But I like spareribs." He sorta got it. It's cold and blustery, lonely and windy today. I'm not a fan of spareribs. I'll have a bite but it's a big disappointment - not enough meat too much bone. Not very filling. Too lonely of a meal. From wikipedia,"Hopper depicts it in the same sense of forlorn solitude that permeates his portrayal of city life. Here too, Hopper's work exploits vast empty spaces, represented by a lonely gas station astride an empty country road and the sharp contrast between the natural light of the sky, moderated by the lush forest, and glaring artificial light coming from inside the gas station."

Dead end

Dead end
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end of our elaborate plans
The end of ev'rything that stands
The end

No safety or surprise
The end
I'll never look into your eyes again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need of
some strangers hand
In a desperate land

Happy Face Project

Darkness prevails ....

Darkness prevails ....
Originally uploaded by asmundur.

I saw this on another blogger's page and wanted to use it as well. It's dark and cold out. There's been flakes of snow falling intermittently but it's not sticking.

During my crazy Monday night class, Miss Pamie Lou said to someone, "You need a happy face project!" and I said something like, what's a sad face project -doing taxes. I offered to google Happy Face Project and the image above is what I found. There must be some way to put multiple pictures in a blog.

Sioux City Artsplash

Me at the Sioux City Artsplash
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

I take my photos and make them into shadow boxes and show them at art fairs. When they were announcing the winners at the dinner the night before, my name got read and then seconds later my cell phone rings - it's my sister. I stand up, getting everyone's attention and I go outside to talk to her. She asks, "What did you win?" I reply, "I dunno sweetie - you called and I kinda got off track. Maybe some money I'm not sure."

The next day after I got the Excellence Award this troupe of singers came by to seranade me of sorts. And to give me a handful of prizes. It was very sweet. I look very embarrased, and I am.

Grandma's Hands

I go to an intuition class at the Center in Minneapolis. My teacher is the wonderful Echo Bodine. We practice using our intuition skills. Tonight before class, I put on my Grandma's wedding ring. It's gorgeous. She gave it to me right before I got married and I forgot she gave it to me. It totally left my mind. Then one day a few months later she asks about it. I'm sure she's gone round the bend. "What ring?" I'm angry - "What ring - you never gave me a ring." I call my mom and she doesn't remember Grandma giving me a ring. I would've showed it off. Then a few weeks later rooting though an old jewelry box - there's a gorgeous ring that so not mine. OH SHIT. I still don't really remember her giving it to me. Sad. I have some reason to visit her in Chicago. My family is crazy, paranoid and very psychic. I walk into her apartment and I'm about to say, "Your ring, look look, I found it!" and before I can say anything she says something like, "Yeah yeah you found the ring." So tonight during the meditation Echo says, "There's some spirits here." and you could feel how electric it was. They kept coming in from some staircase. And suddenly, there is my grandma -right there and she held my hands. I could honestly feel her cool soft hands. The tears poured out of my eyes because my grandma was right there. And Uncle Mort, Amy, Todd, Aunt Marlene and Pat's mom, Pat. It was so cool. So cool. I showed the ring to my teacher at break. Weird and yet that was the reason. I still have it on.

Driving home I was proud to resist Echo's brownies. I wish she'd open a bakery. She makes the yummiest treats. So to resist them is akin to winning a Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously. They looked great. We ate all weekend at Mayslacks, Moscow on the Hill and at James' parent's house. I had the thought - red wine. I have a two bottles of Grgich Old Vines. A favorite of my Uncle Mort's. So I cracked one open and raised a toast to the relatives that came to my class and held my hand. Haven't felt her hands in a long long time.

Lonely in St Paul

I dunno, what will Strong Bad tell Lonely in St Paul.

Pasty rhymes with nasty and tearing off the knobs

Pat(my ex) just got back from Mackinac Island. It makes me sad to hear of Mackinac, of businesses like the Mustand Lounge and the Iroquois and I can't be there. I gave that up when I gave him up. He brought me back a Letho's Pasty from the wild U.P. I thought, should I save it, freeze it? Or why not just eat it now - just made today. It was good. It's not my picture of Lehto's. Thank the guy - here. It was good. And sad. Somewhere in my stack of film boxes are some U.P. signs I shot longy long ago. But the pasty was good. And me and my full tummy should have some dreams tonight.

Mary Jane

Mary Jane
Originally uploaded by joshuacw.

Jane says
I'm done with sergio
He treats me like a ragdoll
She hides
The television
Says 'i don't owe him nothing,
But if he comes back again
Tell him to wait right here for me or,
Try again tomorrow'

'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'
'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'

Jane says
'Have you seen my wig around?
I feel naked without it'
She knows
They all want her to go
But that's ok man
She don't like them anyway
Jane says
'I'm going away to spain when i get my money saved
I'm gonna start tomorrow'

'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'
'I'm gonna kick tomorrow...'

She gets mad
And she starts to cry
Takes a swing but she can't hit!
She don't mean no harm
She just don't know...
What else to do about it

Jane goes
To the store at eight
She walks up on st. andrews
She waits
And gets her dinner there
She pulls her dinner
From her pocket

Jane says
'I've never been in love - no'
She don't know what it is
She only knows if someone wants her

'I only want 'em if they want me,...'
'I only know they want me...'

Jane says...
Jane says...

Ripped off and in pain

Like ripping off a big bandaid. Riiiiiiiiiiiippp. Ouch. When your skin cries out and it's all different. And finding delicate skin underneath, not quite healed. Rip. Or do I secretly like the pain. Do I rip it get it ripped so that I feel something?

Cookie Puss

Cookie Puss by Carvel
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

I love this song. Love it! We don't have Carvel so I didn't know what Cookie Puss was.

The shit with this bitch
Yo I said I'm calling you B.
Yo B it's the phone
Yo B.
"May I help you?"
"Yes what's your name?"
"Hello?"
"Hello man you got Cookypuss's number?"
"Here's my supervisor, he'll help you"
"Yo man, where's the supervisor at?
I-I got the number anyway baby!
That bitch hang up on me"
These pussy crumbs are making me itch!
Ah Cookypuss, HEY! Ah Cookypuss
Maybe I should scratch
Aaahhn, B-E-A-S-T-I-E go!
"My real name is"
"My real name is"
"My sisters name was"
Scratch
Cookypuss, cook, cook, cook, scratch, scratch.
Oh,cook, cook, cook, cook oh cookypuss
"And my mother got to call us for dinner"
"Yo, yo, yo!"
Cookypuss. Pussy crumbs, what are pussy crumbs?
"Take me home and eat me, yeah!"
Bitch, I'll fuckin' kick your ass bitch.
"Hello, Carvel?"
"Yo man Cookypuss there?"
"Who?"
"Cookypuss, I want to speak to Cookypuss man!"
"No. Nobody here by that name."
"A Cooky or Puss then. Cookychic, anybody man, I want to speak to them!"
"There not here."
"I said wheres Cookypuss at?
Yo I'm serious, I wanna talk to.. yo man
Cookypuss, alright let, let me order one then, let me get one."
"When do you want it for?"
"Anytime man, just like now and shit, you know, that shit now.
I'm talkin' now B. Damn bitch hang up, I'll kick your ass bitch"
"Yo yo yo"
"Yo yo yo"
"Beastie Boys rock!"
"Beastie Boys"

Diane Human Style Hair Net

Diane Human Style Hair Net
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

Oh, and here's the hair net! Not that I was tearing around the house, swearing, upsetting the dog or anything. Nope, it was right where I left it. Or forget I left it or something like that.

Country Singles box

Country Singles box
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

No need to be lonely,
I've got my cathode ray tube.
No need for sorrow,
I've got a jar of lube.
No need for hunger,
I've got freezer full,
No need for sleep,
I got me some Red Bull.
No need for friends
I have the internet
No need for fancy gel
I gots me a hair net.

Stove at Fair Oaks, Minneapolis, MN

Stove at Fair Oaks, Minneapolis, MN
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

I'm the dark stove in the corner. Just waiting, just staring out the window. An old sad stove. I miss this old apartment. Maybe it misses me.

Big in Value

Big in Value
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

Oh you. I miss you, I feel like the little lady (oh ha ha ha) and the big bad phone mocks me, overpowers me. Little in cost. Little is how I feel when you're far away. But my phone won't ring, not from Vista Lake. Not from way way way up there by the Red Green show's Possum Lodge. Or Grand Marais. I send you a psychic phone call by the light of the moon. Or a cigar shaped space ship. A cigare volante. Stay warm and I miss you.

Cars - the movie

I love this movie. Yeah yeah I've heard that isn't it funny that a big studio made this about a trying to get a little town back on the map. It's an adorable movie, it has bits of Route 66 on it. And I think it's sweet. Plus the neon signs rock, they are shown all old and rusted and by the end the neon and the town has come back to life. I've taken my boyfriend and ex husband to this and they both got their arms punched from the "Oooh oooh - lookit the neon!" and "Slug bug!" Some things never change. Yes, I'd even punch your arm too!

Indianhead Motel, Chippewa Falls, WI

Indianhead Motel, Chippewa Falls, WI
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

And I sold a copy of this guy too. I gotta post it as a night shot. I love that you can't tell what year it is. There's an old car in the backround that makes it look like I shot this in the 1950's. Nope. 1991. It's my lucky roll of film.

Fishing Hall of Fame, Hayward, WI

Fishing Hall of Fame, Hayward, WI
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

Long long ago my friend, Caroline and I ran away from Minneapolis and took a road trip to Wisconsin. I only had this one roll of bw in my Pentax ME Super and off we went. We went to Thorp, Abbotsford, Hayward and Spooner WI. I have so many magical pictures that I show from this one trip. I sold a copy of this guy today! I love selling my pieces. It's kinda sad too - setting free one of my babies. But it has a good home.

Pocket Pig Coin Saver Bank front

Pocket Pig Coin Saver Bank front
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

This has been in my parent's front hall crap drawer for over 30 years. I remember getting it at the bank as a small child and dreamed of all the quarters I'd save.
When I took it from my parent's house, I felt like I was transporting the Hope Diamond. I'd check my bag everytime I stopped for gas. What if it fell out.

Then at home after upacking. I knew I put it somewhere safe or did I stupidly throw it away. I freaked out and was cleaning feverishly and then spotted it on a shelf. Wheewwwwwwwww.