Where my spark is

I woke up at 4am this morning feeling alone and scared and started humming these lines from the song Spark:

"She's afraid of the light in the dark.
6.58 are you sure where my spark is?
Here... Here... Here..."

So I dialed up the video and thought it was beautiful.

I didn't know the story behind the song - it's actually about Tori having a miscarriage.

Her explanation of the video:

"You don't really know what's going to happen to her, but that's not the point. She's trusting her instincts in a way she never has before, she's finding something in herself she never knew even existed."

Maybe that's why I woke up humming the song and had to find all the meanings behind it. I need to trust my instincts and know what I did, what I'm doing is right. Am I sure where my spark is? Yes, no maybe so.

State Fair Day 12

X is a tough one. There is Pibb Xtra. Xantham gum - not gonna do it.


Y is for yogurt. James used to sell Annie's Frozen Yogurt at the fair. The booth is now long gone. The workers remain, we had a beer with them last night at Cafe Caribe.


Z is for Zeppoles. I remember when the deep fried twinkies and candy bars came out. The lines were crazy and the product - not that great.

State Fair Day 11

V is for Vegie Fries. Sorry, never had them. Why not just have the deep fried cheese curds or anything else. There is one place that makes a big salad. I love that - hidden in the Ball Park.

W is for Walleye. You can get Walleye (and other fish) a few different ways at the fair. Watch my favorite WCCO news anchor, Don, Shelby go fishing at the fair.

State Fair Day 10

S is for Scotch Egg. If you go to the original photo's page, a recipe for Scotch Eggs is there. I have one plain, with horseradish and maple syrup.



T is for Tom Thumb Mini donuts. The only donuts I eat and only at the MN State Fair. And only by the Ye Old Mill. Look at that design!

I am really stuck on the letter "U." No udon, Ugli fruit or even the Uncola, 7-up (to make your tummy ache better) Booo!

State Fair Day 9

Q is for Quesadilla. I was looking at places at the fair that sell them. Besides Quesadilla Junction and Tejas you can also get them at French Meadow Bakery and O'Gara's. French or Irish quesadillas. Yah, for sure. I was about to post a link to the Tejas restaurant and just found out it closed.


R is for Roast Sundae. Ok, it's full name is the Pot Roast Sundae - a new food last year that I really loved. I didn't want to double up on root beer. There are a ton of root beer stands.

State Fair Day 8

Oodles of noodles. Again, love the sign, never had the food. Maybe I should branch out?



P is for Pronto Pup. You can always get Pat to call out their old jingle, "Get yourself a Pronto Pup!" I'll do it if he's not there. P is also for Pizza - really bad thin pizza for James who grew up on 99 cent pizza. Our pizza came from the downtown Uno's. The original Uno's. I have very refined pizza tastes.

State Fair Day 7

M is for malt. Do you get it inside the Dairy building or outside the Cattle Barn. This is actually a picture of a Kiwanis Malt by the Fine Arts building. M is also for Milk. As in all the Milk you can drink. Back in the olden days, they'd pay you to drink the milk. Ha!






N is for Nitro Ice Cream. Love the neon but no thanks.

State Fair Day 6

K is for Key Lime Pie on a Stick. Had one long ago, not that great. It is local.








L is for Leinie Lodge. We saw some great music last year at the Leinie Lodge. The singer on stage was enjoying a Leinie's "ice tea" at 11 am. So I got James and I one. An "ice tea" for us at 11 am. Ha!

State Fair Day 5

I is for Icee. Never had one, but I like the design.

J is for John Deere Home Made Ice Cream. It looks and sounds cute, never had it.

State Fair Day 4

G is for German Root beer. If you google German Root beer it says most Germans hate root beer. Go figure

H is for Hot Dog. Not one of my favorite fair foods, I could get one at the store, so I don't really care.

State Fair Day 3

E is for Egg Coffee. Yes, egg coffee. I will sit at the counter and drink cup after cup of this stunning coffee. I know how to make it I just never do.




F is French Fries. I don't get it why some folks need Fair french fries. The stand is always crazy. This is the world's greatest sign.

F is also for Fudge Puppies. The Caramel Apple Puppies with apple baked in and covered with caramel is supposed to be pretty good.

State Fair Day 2

C is for corn and cheese. Which there is a ton at the fair. And now about the food! Zing! Corn dogs, roasted corn, popped corn, kettle corn. Cheese curds, cheese on a stick, bad cheese pizza (James' fave)

D is Dole Whip. WCCO News anchor, Amelia Santaniello raves about them. I've never had one. Maybe this year.

State Fair Day 1

I had an idea of doing a MN State Fair alphabet of fair foods. The collective unconscious (or the fair itself) beat me to it. I'm still gonna do it.

A - Apple. I love that you can get a fresh apple in the Agriculture Horticulture building west hall.





B - Bacon. There's this gorgeous chocolate bacon from Famous Daves and the Big Fat maple bacon. I hear there's even more bacon foods. Yum!

Dirty Knife Fight

I work in a really dirty office with a bunch of bachelor farmers (like the movie,"Brother's Keeper") There's clothes on the floor, yes really. Clothes. Food in the garbage cans and junk all over. Either I can do my work or clean up after these pigs. I used to try to do both but after 8 years, I've given up. I've offered many friends the job of cleaning up the place but it never works out. Family members of these friends are afraid their loved ones will get lost in the mess or be taken advantaged of so it never happens. My dear friend, Craig, (who somehow always ignores the hideous mess) came by the office. James' mom was in for a visit. Somehow we're all in one room talking. Craig needed some canned air. I reminded him of the time I tried talking to him on the phone while he sprayed canned air on his keyboard to clean it. James' mom (who gave up on the bachelor farmer's mess long ago) was incredulous. She asked Craig, "Do you clean your own desk?" Yeah - he replied. And she grabbed him, kissed him on the cheek and said emphatically, "I love you!" Then to placate her own son, kissed him as well. James was so served. He got sloppy seconds from his mom. Someone then needed a knife to open something, both James and Craig pull out their pocket knives. It's pocket knife vs a Swiss Army. Or knife vs knife plus tools. Or a double garage workshop vs a triple bay with a lift. Then they were arguing who had better tools. All because Craig cleans his own desk. And he won't work for Big Bell. I could be mean and mention that he's now toothless but I don't clean anything or carry (my big collection of) knives on me. So, I'm not going there.

Who wins? Me - the story has made me laugh for days.

Dreams

In my dreams last night, I was in NYC. I stumbled into some office and met this really fun girl. I told her about my band, we watched a few of the videos and she was so impressed, she added a link to Scary Numan on her company's cool web site. Later in the dream, I'm at a new job, here in MN. I walk out into the messy hallway to find the bathroom. There's an open door in the hallway that leads to an apartment that's decorated really fun. The girl waves me in. She shows off her Kobe Bryant/Gary Coleman special edition Mac. (What?) She's doodling around and shows me the company she works for and I see the Scary Numan link on her company web page. I realize it's the fun girl from NYC. I found her again! She introduces me to her friends, some of whom I met in NYC and I'm so excited. She lives here. She lives in the hallway of my boring job where it takes weeks to get paid because it's a Canadian company. I found her again, I found my old new fun friend. I woke up happy because I had found a kindred spirit but who is she? There's no hallway to another apartment at my job. I know, we dream in metaphors. I'm happy I have a new friend, but I'm sad because I don't know who or where she is.

In my dreams the next night, I find the fun girl again and she's talking about friends I have, both here and gone. I woke up missing the fun girl and some of my long gone friends.

Teacher's Answer Key

I realized in grammar school if I needed the answer to a question, I'd go up to the teacher's desk and wait in line. If the teacher's answer key was open, I could sneak a look, go back to my desk and write in the correct answer. The questions back then were easy and there was only one answer. 2+2=4 I hated if you had to ask the teacher or have to reason it out. I just wanted the answer, no talking and a quick getaway.

Why isn't there a teacher's answer key around now? Is it that there are multiple answers? I want to know if I knew someone in a past life, if the doctor will cure me of my aches and pains, if I'll be successful. The Magic 8 ball doesn't do much good either. I want the real answer, the one true answer. I want an A. I want to know. Don't make me wait in line, don't make me talk to the teacher, just have the damn book open so I can take a look and sneak back to my desk.

Better yet, sell me the book so I can look up the answers when I can't sleep, when I'm pondering these questions. Name the price.

Greatest cover band triple bill this Saturday in St Paul!

Scary Numan at O'gara's Saturday night 6/12
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower

Scary Numan is on a mission to take your favourite 80's songs and make them new. Listen to mash-ups, rev-ups, and amped-up versions of dance songs you will fall in love with all over again. Check out their music videos : http://www.youtube.com/user/Scarynuman?feature=mhw5#p/a

Surly Jones separates themselves from other "cover bands" by stepping out of the template of being a modern-day jukebox. They take bands and songs from the greatest decade in music and interpret them in their own fun, fantastic, animated way. Check out their songs: http://www.myspace.com/surlyjones

Red on Red, the Twin Cities best "Rockternative" band, paying tribute to alternative hits of the 80’s, 90’s, and today (with a few tasty extras we can’t resist). So put on something red and get ready to dance. Red on Red is turning the scene upside down. Check out their songs: http://www.reverbnation.com/redonred

The show is from 9:15 pm - 1:30 am, there's a $6 cover charge.

At O’Gara’s O'Gara's Bar & Grill
164 Snelling Avenue North St. Paul, MN

Hope to see you there!

Sunny days

Rocket slide, Waukon IA
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower

I used to keep a diary and grade the days. If your clothes and hair looked good and the cute boy you had a crush on noticed you, A+ day. If you got a bad grade, looked dumb you F. I hadn’t thought about that in a while but this week, I had quite a string of A+ days. I thought a picture of a playground in the sun would convey a great day.

Thursday May 20th, my band, Scary Numan played at the 400. It was hot in the bar and not much of a crowd. What was cool was the band that played before us, Bug Girl from Australia. It’s just a brother and sister but they kick ass. Hear for yourself. So they stayed to hear our show and the song, Jessie’s Girl, comes on and they go nuts for their fellow Aussie. They were the most fun fans we ever had dancing and really getting into the music. I wore one of their t-shirts on stage when I sang.

Saturday May 22, Craig and I went exploring. We’d been to the old Cedar Bridge in Long Meadow park from old Shakopee Road side and wondered if you could get to the other side. We found some cool back roads, some abandoned stuff and finally after a few hours of walking, driving through the mud and almost off the road we found the abandoned road. It was grown over but really cool. I kept joking that we we’re going to find a secret Italian restaurant down one of the roads. We got covered in ticks during our travels and kept finding them while eating at Luci (all that talk about Italian food) It was an A+ day of fun, adventure and ticks.

I wrote about the bike car and it arrived on Wednesday May 26th. It was like opening a huge birthday present. I hopped and skipped around the office waiting for the work day to be done. It was a short bus day for Craig (because he has Rowan) and they came by. After they took a solo trek to DQ, Craig, James, Rowan and I “drove “ the bike to her softball game. It was Rowan’s turn to bring treats and Big Bell offered to donated a cooler full of ice cream. The cooler, the softball equipment was all strapped to the bike. We looked like the Joads.

The stares and comments from the people on the sidelines are worth the price of the bike, “What IS that, where did you get it?” Craig’s girlfriend, Kirsten took Rowan’s place on the way home. Both times I sat in back waving like a parade queen. I haven’t laughed that hard in long time.

Toy cars

My grandma had one of these toy firetrucks in her retro knotty pine basement for us grand kids to play on. It was fun. The ladders came off, the bell rang and we had tons of space to ride this thing around. You could try to go to the scarier part of the basement, past the old furnace (with real flames) to the boiler area where the light was never on. Oooooooohhh. It was fun being the oldest and riding it first but what stung was when I got too big to fit in it and watched my younger cousins having the time of their lives in a toy I couldn't fit in anymore.

At some point, my sister and got our hands on an FAO Schwartz catalog with this toy sulky cart featured. I know it was really expensive. I think for a few weeks we attempted to save our allowance but then calculated the cost by our meager .25 allowance. It would be years. I had a bike but this was toy and bike. It looked like tons more fun.


Later, My sister and I devised a plan where we'd get our parents to buy us a toy baby carriage and something like Calvin and Hobbes we'd push each other around in it. Did we think this plan out? No, we got the baby carriage, tried riding in it and it tipped over. Shit!

I've fallen in love with too many men who have owned motorcycles. I've been looking for a motorcycle to purchase but with no luck. Besides, I'd be riding bitch and I'm too lazy to learn how to ride a motorcycle myself. But I still wanted a toy to ride around on.

A friend emailed a Craigslist posting for this four person Rhoades bike and I had to have it. HAD TO. Was it my too small firetruck, my never acquired sulky, a toy I could drive? I have no idea. But it looked so fun and your friends would be riding along next to you. I found this exact model in Albuquerque and bought it and I'm having it shipped. I hope it arrives soon. Which lucky friends will ride first? Do I have a contest? Make them sing me a song?

Actually, just sit next to me and let's go for ride, this toy has been a long time coming.

Angst Station

The public phone is right outside my office. I did not know that the angst sign was installed outside my door. Every day, there's one of our workers who makes angsty calls to his girlfriend(s). Holy shit, I wanna get this kid a notebook and a coffee punch card and tell him to get thee to a coffee shop. He has volumes to write in his journal. Everyday, it's these sad, dark calls to someone who won't see him that day, won't see him enough, answer his calls or dissed him in some way shape or form. There's never any bright bits like, "Hey! I saw a robin!" Or "I'm about to eat some ice cream!" You'd think in a place that sells ice cream for the ice cream trucks, you could drum up a tiny ray of sunshine. No wonder that chica don't wanna see you, you're too dark and serious. Lighten up, hon. Oh and hang up the phone correctly so I don't hear that waaa waaa sound of the phone left off the hook. You make me and the phone cry a little every damn day.