Harvest gold pants

tosia pants
Originally uploaded by KarWar.

Driving back from coffee, Patrick somehow got on a rant about Colin and the harvest gold corduroy pants. I'm trying to think how we went from ripping on a badly designed billboard to Colin but it's lost to me. Long long long ago, Colin - of the pants, who was three, was running around Patrick's family's house. The harvest gold corduroy pants were filled with the world's biggest and stinkiest dump. That's pretty much the whole story, but Patrick likes to go one that Colin is probably still wearing those (you have to always say the whole color) harvest gold corduroy pants. With the big dump. And Colin has had a hideous diaper rash for something like 30 years. I had one of those laughing fits where you cannot talk or breathe. I was punching Pat because I couldn't talk. And he kept ranting. It was funny and I guess you had to be there.

Crocodile Rock - Elton John

My sister and I made up some silly dance to Crocodile Rock when we were young. When I was older my mom, of all people, recognized Elton John in a restaurant while on a vacation to L.A. with my family. I was more bold, so I approached Elton John with a napkin and pen and told him we (I pointed to my scared shitless sister) used to dance to Crocodile Rock. He autographed the napkin and said something like it seems you've survived so far. The best part
of it was when we got back to the table I turned to my sister and asked her (mockingly) " Oh wait, did Elton John sing Crocodile Rock?" And she gasped! I just laughed. Simpler times.

Daily Democrat

Daily Democrat, Pauls Valley, OK
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

Happy New Hampshire primary! Go Hilary and Go Obama. Why not. We're all from Chicago. Good luck.

Big Fish

I watched the movie, "Big Fish" tonight. The whole movie is great. A movie about stories, tale tales, love, losing love, finding love. Great quotes, "Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring." I pretty much cried all the way through it. I'd pause, get more kleenex and then the waterworks would start back up. I'm not sure why.

Me, my Christmas lights and a big fish It was actually kinda nice. Quiet and peaceful.

Groundhog Day

In the movie, "Groundhog Day," Bill Murray is doomed to repeat the same day over and over again until he gets it right. Everyday in the movie, Bill steps in this big puddle of slush up to the top of his boot. Finally one day he AVOIDS the puddle. Going to a job I used to drive on I-94 and I'd hit the same pothole every damn day. I'd even yell out, Groundhog Day!" as I hit it. Maybe once in a blue moon I'd avoid that stupid pothole. It took a long long time to remember to avoid it.

So stupid me. I am out to dinner. There's candles, roses, red wine and sweetness. And there's that pothole full of slush. And I step in it. I step in other holes and splash the shit all over the place. A nice dinner ruined by slush. Old gray slush. I could walk around the hole, avoid the hole. But I step right in. It could've been a really great dinner and no amount of apologies can clean off the slush. Just walk consciously walk around it, Drower. Walk around it. Avoid it. Let go of it. Is it just laziness that we walk through it? Because it's an old habit. Because you deserve cold feet? Because it feels more comfortable to be uncomfortable. Because later you replay it over and over and torment yourself and make even more angst.

Someday, I'll wake up to Sonny and Cher and let the slush go. Someday I'll learn. Maybe I've got more doomed days to repeat. Until I get it right.

Pile Your Arms High With Smokes

Pile Your Arms High With Smokes
Originally uploaded by Charm and Poise.

An early Merry Christmas present from me.
And cancer.

LSMFT

Sass, the guard doggy

Sass
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

You tell 'em girl. Grrrrr - stay away! We are tired and crabby and in need of naps. Or candy. Or meat. Sass asks, "when are we going to Fogo de Chão??"

I'm Bad

Hanging out with the crotch grabbin' bad kids at Echo's again. What can I say. The kid's table is the best. Someone's gotta make up for the missing Pamie Lou, TM and Carlene.

Mad As Hell ...

And I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Me and Jameson

Me and Jameson
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

Cause I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else.
I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else.
Yeah, you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself.

Now, the other night I lay sleeping,
And I woke from a terrible dream.
So I called up my pal, Jack Daniels,
And his partner Jimmy Beam.

Rooms of Love

I have adored this photo, this artist since I first saw this show at the MOMA eons ago. I have my own - and it's also called the Rooms of Love.



Above is my latest shot.


I also shot it two years ago.



I've got to get other people to love it as much as I do.

Fight the power

I heard Fight The Power this morning coming into work. It was good to scream along with Flava and Chuck D because I am stressed. I’ve had too much shit going on and the shit aint stoppin’ neither. Last weekend we went back to Medford, WI to visit Phil and Eleanor’s for dinner and it was so cute. I’ll have to write more on that trip when I’m not in a bitching mood. A friend called last minute for a concert at a lesbian bar on Sunday. Then Monday, a ghost tour in the Halloween Capital of the world. I had to scramble to get everything ready for the Halloween onslaught. I had 130 kids and I was on a sugar high until about 11 pm. A local indie ghost movie (only one showing) was last night. There’s a musical tonight. At some point, I want to watch my Thursday night NBC TV funfest. And then today, I head a friend is having an art opening on Sunday. SHIT! It’s too much. And I owe these friends who’ve come to my shit. But does it all have to be right the fuck now. Right the fuck now. I can’t wait for Sunday night when it’s all the fuck over.

I'm ready and hyped plus I'm amped
Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps!

Hyped plus I'm amped. Fight the power. Fight the power and say no. No more shit. No more events. No more. Just let me rest.

Time Has Come Today

Fall. Autumn. Funny to use a song about time to talk about my favorite radio stations. I listen to KLBB. The music of your life as they call it. Dean Martin, Sinatra, Mills Brothers. The morning DJ is Reed Hagen. Who has this rich, buttery set of pipes. I just love hearing that if I have to get up early. But they're a low watt station and they have to power down when it's dark. In the summer the sun is up and so is KLBB - at full power. But now in fall, it's dark and so is the station. It's kind of there - just not at full power until it's light. The signal drifts in and out, no rich buttery tones - just fizz. So, I have the clock set to this really annoying station FM107. It's like chick talk day and night. It gets me right out of bed so I can turn it off. There is the ABC news at the top of the hour. Which is better than KLBB's Fox Radio, "We report, you decide." But Reed. I miss my morning cup of Reed.

Also, Radio K, a great college radio station is the same. Luckily there is an FM station. But long ago, it used to be that when it got dark, so did Radio K. I remember one cold dark winter day and the sun was setting around 4 and so was my cool radio station. What a bunch of shit.

But now they're both on the Internet, but I mostly listen in the car or clock radio - so the Internet doesn't help me much. Time has come for fall and winter to be dark and cold. And without music. When I need it most.

Bear bait

We had just come from Medford, WI and saw Phil and Eleanor's steak house

and got great stories. Then on to the Florena Supper club.

The guy comes out and asks what am I doing. I try to engage him but he's not in a story mood.

We go up the road to Prentice, WI and see the Bear Bait Ford. I'm walking around, getting different angles and we decide to go in. There's an old guy on an old couch
And then oddly, James asks to use the bathroom. It's weird. I had hoped for maybe an old service station. Candy, postcards. Old cute retro stuff around. Like a movie set. No, It's got junk. And odd metal scrap. I try to talk to the old guy on the couch but he's deaf as a post. I'm talking loud to him but to no avail. He somehow manages to tell me the Ford sign isn't for sale. Then some other old guys come in and they're talking about the sign - it's now only a few thousand dollars. The creep level cranks up a notch. James is taking forever. I'm sending him psychic signals that we HAVE TO Ghttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifO. The woman's bathroom looks way too creepy. I'll just wait. And I'm not that picky. Suddenly, some younger people come in but when they start talking - the weird gets weirder. They somehow know old deaf as a post and get food out of a small dirty fridge. They are off somehow, learning disabled or cross bred and it's like those Diane Arbus photos of retarded people. It's amazingly creepy and now I'm thinking we're the bear bait. We will all be eaten by bears. Me and this creepshow all in some bear's stomach. James FINALLY comes out and I give him the hairy eyeball meaning let's get the fuck out of here. Outside I snap a few more shots, even some close ups of the Ford sign as more bear bait goes into the shop. Chomp, chomp chomp.

Phil and Eleanor's Steakhouse

I had been at an art fair in Wausau, WI. I wanted to take Hwy 8 back to the Twin Cities. We had this notion that we'd make it to St Croix by 6pm to visit a vineyard. Driving through Medford, WI, we saw this sign. Did I want to stop and shoot it? No. We found the little downtown and drove around. Cute. Leaving we could go left and continue or if we go right, I can shoot Phil and Eleanor's. It's not in the sun, but I could shoot it for reference. We go back and pull in. As if we've planned it - out of the restaurant comes the actual Phil and Eleanor. I tell them I love the sign and want to photograph it. James stays and chats with them. I get the shot above. When I come back- they've offered to give us a tour. You can see the whole set here. Eleanor shows off her original kitchen and give us a sample of some toasted bread they serve for an appetizer. We hear stories that she bought the place as a young girl. It had originally just been the bar tended by a crust old guy. She's been making the food by hand ever since. There are some big companies in town and they'll reserve the whole place so you gotta call ahead. You can see the menu and the gorgeous bar with sparkly blue bar stools. I have been pestering James that we gotta go back so we can eat there. And I want to print up all these pictures and bring them along. I worry we'll get snowed in - like in "Seven brides for Seven brothers" and wont be able to get back to Medford, WI. With the pass being blocked. I bet the food is great. And maybe we can get to the vineyard we never to.

Tired

I'm tired - tired of playing the game.

Shopping in Camazotz

This is some old photo of the Chicago Marshall Fields. Back in the day. When you dressed up to go shopping. Hats, dresses. My grandma would take us downtown for our back to school clothes. Maybe we'd have lunch at Fields. With Grandma it was just "Fields." My great Aunt Bobbie also loved to go to the downtown Marshall Fields. Not the suburban ones. She couldn't walk far so she'd tell my mom they'd just pull up to the front and, "God will provide." My mom would imagine the crowds and traffic and would doubt the luck of getting a spot out front. Lo and behold - a spot would ALWAYS be there for Aunt Bobbie. Our family still invokes her name if we need parking space help. I don't know if it would work for non-family members - someone could try and let me know.

Even though I'm 42, I still have that urge right as the air gets cooler, for some new shoes, socks and a sweater or two. I found these certain kind of hiking shoes I like. And I went back to store and they still made them. The same style! That never happens. I fall in love with some shoe or food or a guy - then the next time you want that thing - it's gone. Or different. REI had one pair - but out in Maple Grove. And they don't transfer their stock. Maple Grove is supposed to look like a little town with a main street. A main street with all chain stores. Remember the town of Camazotz from the book, Wrinkle in Time." All these malls look the same. Oh look a restaurant - wait it's a Buca. Donuts - Krispy Kreme. No independent anything. No cute stationery store. Or drugstore. Or indie coffee shop. All chains. Comforting icons of capitalism. And those scary twisty mall parking lot streets that go curling on forever. Not a grid or straight line. I go out there buy the shoes. And then try to leave. I keep twisting around. I see a Byerly's grocery store. So I load up on non perishable food in case I can never get out. Then I see a Hampton Inn. I may have to get a room if this turns into Hotel California (I cannot believe I am quoting the Eagles - and I hate the fucking Eagles) See how bad it was:

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'

Following a bunch of other lost souls, I finally stumble on a sign pointing back to the highway. I escape. It's a long way back from Camazotz. Although it wasn't my time, I yearn for the days of dressing up, going to a real downtown, grid streets and a big department store. Those days are gone like many of the stores in real downtowns. The twisty streets in the suburbs are winning and I fear it will all be one great Camazotz life style center. Yuck!

Circus of travel

Like Billy in the Family Circus taking one of his “directional paths,” that was how I made it to work today. Thanks MNDOT! Because of the 35-W bridge collapse, they’re adding lanes to I-94 and had to close it. The Marshall Street Bridge is the closest street to I-94. I get in the car on autopilot and get on Marshall. And wonder why in the hell everyone else is as well. And on a Saturday. Oh shit, the highway is closed. I decide to drive a few miles south to the Ford Bridge to cross. And then I have to go north again to get back to work. What slayed me were all these SUV cars driving like babies. It’s like that scene in the movie, “Cars” where they have to teach the scared SUVs to go into the mud. Aren’t they supposed to be fearless in those big gas-guzzling pieces of shit? I have a Saturn Vue – some call an SUV. But I drive fast. Even in the rain. I only wish I had the ability to make that thick dashed line like Billy when he was meandering all about instead of doing what ever he was supposed to be doing.

It's show time folks!

This is me lately, the cigarette in the shower, eye drops and dexedrine. Nah, it's more like three ibuprofen and another cup of cold coffee. But I do pay homage to the movie,"All that Jazz," by saying, "It's show time." When I slam some more pills and speed to keep me going. I can't do speed. Once, in college, I got some. And I was funny. Oh, I was so funny. And then I crashed, hard. Fucking hard. I started screaming at a girl on my dorm floor and she never talked to me again. And I've never done real speed since then. Coffee is good enough. Maybe the Allegra provides a nice ECA Stack effect. And if you feel like getting down to some George Benson - then you can watch some dance tryouts to go along with it.

I am preparing a metric ton of art for some upcoming art shows. It's almost show time. Back to the drugs. And the wet smoke in the shower.

Porky's Drive In, St Paul MN

Porky's Drive In, St Paul MN
Originally uploaded by Debora Drower.

Amy, I'll meet you at Porky's. I so need a milk shake. And someone to listen to me. You always say a Porky's milkshake can cure just about anything. Right? Shit, what a week! I'll probably get the Cruiser Combo and I'll get you whatever you want. Just get your ass over there, OK? Ok? No excuses, no standing me up. It's been a long time so let's do it. It's been four fucking years. Four fucking years. I'll be waiting at one of the picnic tables. Maybe it'll be weird talking to you - I mean I know when you're there even if no one can see you. We'll talk and eat and I'll have a great time talking to you and pretending you're still alive. And still my friend.

love, Debora