Friday, December 21, 2007

Groundhog Day

In the movie, "Groundhog Day," Bill Murray is doomed to repeat the same day over and over again until he gets it right. Everyday in the movie, Bill steps in this big puddle of slush up to the top of his boot. Finally one day he AVOIDS the puddle. Going to a job I used to drive on I-94 and I'd hit the same pothole every damn day. I'd even yell out, Groundhog Day!" as I hit it. Maybe once in a blue moon I'd avoid that stupid pothole. It took a long long time to remember to avoid it.

So stupid me. I am out to dinner. There's candles, roses, red wine and sweetness. And there's that pothole full of slush. And I step in it. I step in other holes and splash the shit all over the place. A nice dinner ruined by slush. Old gray slush. I could walk around the hole, avoid the hole. But I step right in. It could've been a really great dinner and no amount of apologies can clean off the slush. Just walk consciously walk around it, Drower. Walk around it. Avoid it. Let go of it. Is it just laziness that we walk through it? Because it's an old habit. Because you deserve cold feet? Because it feels more comfortable to be uncomfortable. Because later you replay it over and over and torment yourself and make even more angst.

Someday, I'll wake up to Sonny and Cher and let the slush go. Someday I'll learn. Maybe I've got more doomed days to repeat. Until I get it right.

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