Dirty Knife Fight

I work in a really dirty office with a bunch of bachelor farmers (like the movie,"Brother's Keeper") There's clothes on the floor, yes really. Clothes. Food in the garbage cans and junk all over. Either I can do my work or clean up after these pigs. I used to try to do both but after 8 years, I've given up. I've offered many friends the job of cleaning up the place but it never works out. Family members of these friends are afraid their loved ones will get lost in the mess or be taken advantaged of so it never happens. My dear friend, Craig, (who somehow always ignores the hideous mess) came by the office. James' mom was in for a visit. Somehow we're all in one room talking. Craig needed some canned air. I reminded him of the time I tried talking to him on the phone while he sprayed canned air on his keyboard to clean it. James' mom (who gave up on the bachelor farmer's mess long ago) was incredulous. She asked Craig, "Do you clean your own desk?" Yeah - he replied. And she grabbed him, kissed him on the cheek and said emphatically, "I love you!" Then to placate her own son, kissed him as well. James was so served. He got sloppy seconds from his mom. Someone then needed a knife to open something, both James and Craig pull out their pocket knives. It's pocket knife vs a Swiss Army. Or knife vs knife plus tools. Or a double garage workshop vs a triple bay with a lift. Then they were arguing who had better tools. All because Craig cleans his own desk. And he won't work for Big Bell. I could be mean and mention that he's now toothless but I don't clean anything or carry (my big collection of) knives on me. So, I'm not going there.

Who wins? Me - the story has made me laugh for days.