One of my first loves...

...Theodore Wirth. Not the guy but the park that's named after him. When I first came to the Twin Cities, I would just drive. Drive and drive. I'd get lost. I'd end up in really crazy spots. Some places I thought I'd go back and photograph them and then forgot. Ok. On one of those drives I ended up in Theodore Wirth Park.

In Golden Valley. Doesn't that sound romantic. Golden Valley. I have driven in this park mostly in times of turmoil. When I fell in love, fell out of love. Deciding between two loves. Wondering if he was worth it. The Religion of the Pink Cloud was created on a drive through the park.
I have taken new cars speeding around the curves and I have taken countless walks on the paths on and in the park. I was near the park today and thought I'd go for a jaunt. I started out in a grumpy mood. I had thoughts of blueberries and throwing blueberries at real live boys. Then after awhile, I had some great ideas about this new shadow box I'm making. And my mood brightened. The golf chalet looked very Swiss against the snowy background. Making it seem like I was in the mountains somewhere. I still love you, Theodore.

Blueberries and Locomotives

...Were it not for the approach of a train winding up the mountainside. The tracks were just a short distance from where I was, and I knew it was going to go past me.

“As I watched it draw close, I was greatly agitated. I wanted to stop it because I realized that if it were going to come to me, it would have to leave me, too. And because I grieved in advance for its leaving, I decided to stop it, even if it meant that I had to destroy it. Do you know how contrived to do that?”

Peter Lake shook his head to show that he didn’t.

“I was going to throw a blueberry at it,” Harry Penn said in a hoarse whisper.

“I got the biggest blueberry I could find, and went to wait by the side of the rails, stricken with guilt that I was going to slay a fine train, merely for my love of it. I remember that as it came closer and began to bear down on me I was trembling with remorse. At the very moment the seventy-ton locomotive pulled up even with me, I forsook the world, and threw my blueberry at it.


“The next thing I knew, I saw the caboose rushing away into the meadows where I had been afraid to go because there were too many bees in the wildflowers, and the train continued on, disappearing into the bright snowfields at the top of the ridge.

“Never my life have I been so relieved. With that terrible weight off my chest, I skipped down to the hotel, and resolved not to throw blueberries at locomotives.”

I wanted to stop it because I realized that if it were going to come to me, it would have to leave me, too.

Listen, Do you want to know a secret?

Ok, so everyone is going nuts over (it's always good to make a dramatic pause before you say) The Secret. Oprah has had shows about it, tons of people I know are all abuzz. Ok. It boils down to the Law of Attraction. You attract what you focus on whether it's positive or negative.

From Wikipedia:
According to proponents, this law is always working whether you want it to, or indeed whether you believe in it or not. Feelings, emotions, and appropriate thoughts, they say, make the law work faster on your behalf. Thoughts penetrate time and space, acting as "personal magnets" with their own electrical vibration or frequency. These thoughts reach out and grab other similarly charged thoughts, attracting physical reality, which is actually just a more slower vibrating energy frequency; one's thoughts are faster more subtle vibrations of the same energy frequency. Advocates of the law claim that quantum physics confirms the existence of this law.

I saw bits of it on YouTube and on the website above. I wanted to see the whole thing. I went to Barnes and Noble to buy it. The clerks there were mildly mocking me for buying it. And I already knew what it was about. I liked the examples they use, how it's put together and how to use the law of attraction. It was worth it to me. It's so simple to focus on what you want, not on what you don't want. One of the clerks was griping that it's too hard. And you'll have to do work. It's not that hard to see yourself already having what you want. And living blissfully and abundantly. Or you could wallow in your own redundant self pity and get nowhere. Your choice.

Famous people in real life

I'm always looking at regular people and thinking which movie star they resemble. So, I'm at my therapist's office today. And I'm sitting across from a woman who looks like the actress, Juliet Stevenson (the picture on the left) I'm tormented because I can't remember the name of the actress or even movies I've seen her in. I'm going crazy in my therapist's office. Ha ha ha. Going crazy.

My therapist looks just like Rosanna Arquette (on the right) And weirdly, the name Roxanna is the name of the doctor on my prescription bottles. It's not her name. Funny.

Ashes, ashes we all fall down

"Ring around a rosie, a pocket full of posies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

This nursery rhyme began about 1347 and derives from the not-so-delightful Black Plague, which killed over twenty-five million people in the fourteenth century. The "ring around a rosie" refers to the round, red rash that is the first symptom of the disease. The practice of carrying flowers and placing them around the infected person for protection is described in the phrase, "a pocket full of posies." "Ashes" is a corruption or imitation of the sneezing sounds made by the infected person. Finally, "we all fall down" describes the many dead resulting from the disease.

And also, long long ago (before I had this plague of Catholics in my life.) I saw a guy out on the street on Ash Wednesday. He had a mark on his forehad. I had totally forgot it was Ash Wednesday. I almost walked up to him and said, "Excuse me sir, you have a schmutz on your forehead." Luckily, the Catholics I know and love will hear me say that today. "So when are you getting that schmutz on your forehead?" It's also best to say it in a thick Yiddish accent. Why not?

Bee cloud

He is just like this bear,
And a little cloud
Floating in the blue.

I'd like to be the one
to make him settle

down.

Goofus

I trying to see all the Oscar nominated films. I mean ALL. If the Lagoon, LA GOON theater in Minneapolis had had their shit together. I could've seen ALL the Oscar nominated animated films shorts. The "Maestro" played twice and they tried to tell people that's how it was meant to be shown. Nice try, guys. Most of us stormed the ticket counter like the passengers of United flight 93 (see the movie if you need a visual) and we pounced on those bastards. With knives, took control of the... oh sorry...lost my thought.. Those who complained got a free movie pass. Me, included. And there's only a tiny few seconds of "Lifted" online. Who's got an AVI?

Anyway like United 93, it seems there are alot of brutally violent films to watch. Even the animated films had some death. A character hangs himself. Geez!

Is that what you are looking for?

Is that what you are looking for?
Originally uploaded by amber_b..

But how will I find him?
And how will I know it's him?
And where is he now?

Premonition

I've been seeing way way way too many movies. There are some movie trailers, that I already hate. Like "The Hitcher." It's loud and I hate gory slasher films like that. There's also, "Premonition", starring Sandra Bullock. She's tormented because she keeps seeing her husband's death. She also alternately wakes up alone then wakes up with him. It's coming out on my birthday. I will be intrigued to find out how it winds up. Because that's my life. I wake up and I am with someone, I wake up and I'm alone. I wake up and I have a possible future, I wake up and it's a dead end. Which is the correct reality?

I am counting on you Miss Bullock to tell me how you figure it out. It will be great birthday present to me.

Single Girl Valentine #2

Single Girl Valentine #2
Originally uploaded by Wendy Mc.

Check this girl out. She's a great writer as well.

Bitter Valentine

Why not. Happy Valentine's Day from me to you.

Crazy

Long long ago, there were two men in my life. And I loved them both. One was the good guy and one was a dirtball.
I'd play this song and try to figure out which one I loved more. Which one should I be with? I was tormented.

And now I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying and I'm crazy for loving you.

Battery Fairy

Ok magic battery fairy. Be nice and let me make it to my destination today. I promise not to do weird stuff like start the car in reverse. But I swear Miss Fairy the battery was dead. Uh, oh and please DON'T leave me a battery under my pillow - thanks.

Violins on tv

Emily: Whats all this fuss I keep hearing about violins on television? Now why dont parents want their children to see violins on television? Why, I thought the Leonard Burnstein concerts were just lovely. Now, if they only show the violins after 11:00 at night, the little babies will all be asleep. And they wont learn any music appreciation. Why, they'll end up wanting to play guitar, and bongo drums. And go to Africa and join these rock and roll outfits. And they wont drink milk! (Slams fist pn desk.) I say there should be more violins on television! (Chevy taps her on the shoulder.) and less game shows! Its terrible! the way they...what, what?!

Chevy: Miss. Litella, that was violence on television. Not violins. Violence.

Emily: Oh, well thats different.

Chevy: Yes.

Emily smiling: Nevermind.

I may have been seeing alot of violent movies. Or violin movies. Ha ha ha.

Service Station

Signal Service Station
Originally uploaded by Roadsidepictures.

I feel lonely like this gas pump. The Oscar nominated movies are dragging me down. And I haven't even seen Apocalypto. That's supposed to be one violent film. I'll just double or triple up on the meds. And bring a flask to spike my drink. Or bring Ryan Gosling's character from "Half Nelson."

Leaving on a jet plane - not yet

I had hoped to be taking off to visit a friend in San Francisco. I was checking in on Spec's Twelve Adler Museum Bar where I was taken to zillions of years ago. I will always be in gratitude for a bad date and finding a great bar. And it is my all time favorite bar. In the world. Honestly. I was planning on taking Route 66 there and maybe the Lincoln Highway back. And then the plans changed (which is why I didn't get a plane ticket to begin with.)

If I could do that route alone, I'd be the one to drive through the snow and the mountains. And I'd have new memories to replace the old. It would be only me. My old memories seem to do me no good.

I was hoping on that on Valentine's Day that I'd take a bunch of gumball machine rings and throw them out the window somewhere along I-80 and never look back. Maybe I'll still go.

Amy Louise

Back in 1984, when Purple Rain was released, I was in college, at UW Stout. I had just gotten to know this girl in my dorm, Amy. She talked me into seeing Purple Rain at the State Theater in Menomonie. It was great. We were both big Prince fans and the live music in the movie really rocked. She was a motorcycle nut and she loved seeing him ride. I know we went back a few times to see it. We'd drag other people to it but they didn't love it as much as we did. Watching Prince tonight as the Super Bowl took me back to seeing Purple Rain with Amy. I hadn't heard live Prince probably since the movie. It took me by surprise and made me cry. Really hard. It's been three and a half years since she's been gone and I really miss her.

Fuck you, you fucking fucker! And I mean that with all my heart.

Ice House - Crazy

I had the cable hooked up to my stereo in my tiny apartment
in college. I used to make audio tapes from that hook up. My tapes would be of the music videos. I remember having this one. I had forgot why the DJ-like opening.

And I used to sing this and think of my boyfriend, Jake, far away in Milwaukee. I thought he was crazy for dating me and eventually he left.Geez, where is he now?

Where The Streets Have No Name

The video rocks and it is my all time favorite song.

It's best to listen to it in a car when you can crank up the sound and the accelerator. The back roads in Wisconsin work well. If you are on Cty Rd B - it's both deserted and unnamed.